Desire of the Soul
by Crazy4Carlisle
Summary: Sequel to "A Hidden Soul." Takes place after Edward's rebellion, now Edward is faced with a whole new set of challenges to overcome, including making peace with his past and the new addition to the family, Rosalie Hale.
1. (Part 1) Past Life

**A/N: Hello my lovely readers! I have finally started the second part of the fan fiction, "A Hidden Soul." I promise to try updating at least once a week. Please remember to review as much as you can, they REALLY motivate me to keep writing.**

**Warning: This is the sequel to my previous story, "A Hidden Soul." You can still follow the storyline even if you have not read part 1 first, but I still strongly recommend checking out the previous story before you read this. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I do not make money off of this; I just love writing Twilight fan fictions.**

**Desire of the Soul**

**Part 1**

_Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.__  
__-__Edgar Allan Poe_

**Chapter 1**

_**1931**_

Growing up, Edward's mother often used to tell him that if he looked at anything in the dark long enough, it would show its true form. Well that might be normal to most people, but to Edward, he always saw them for what they were. Sometimes, he wished he didn't, it would be much easier that way. There would be no burden of knowledge on his shoulders, no weight of the hopes, dreams, fears or memories of others to darken his endless days and nights. He wondered constantly if without his ability to gaze into the minds of others, it would have been easier for him to adjust to the life Carlisle had introduced him years ago, when he was only a lanky seventeen year old boy, ready to dispatch himself into a tumultuous world of the war.

Edward did not remember much of his grandfather, Kernel William M. Mason, a veteran who had died due to lung complications when Edward was only ten years old. Nobody was particularly surprised by his death; he was at a ripe old age at the time and had been a heavy smoker and drinker his whole life. But before then, every Christmas Eve his parents used to take Edward to visit him and his Grandmother in their cozy country home away from the bustling Chicago city.

Edward recalled that one Christmas before he passed away, he sat with wide eyes by the fireplace, listening to the sound of his Grandfather's booming voice tell the proud and glorious tales of his time in the war. The battles he had fought, the medals he had received, and it was then that Edward's childish, hopeful heart became set on joining the war, it was at that moment that it became the only way he saw fit to becoming the proud, headstrong man his grandfather seemed to be. How different things turned out for Edward after all was said and done. No matter how many supernatural skills and experiences Edward gained, no matter how many days lay behind him, Edward would only ever be that adolescent boy, weakened by the effects of the Spanish Influenza over a decade ago.

Dawn broke over the forest as the white of the snow reflected from the rising sun. It was Christmas Eve once again; a great deal had happened since the events of his human days. In a mere thirteen years, Esme had sprung into his life. This change however, had a sort of shielding effect on Edward's contentment with not only his existence with Carlisle, but existence in general. It was not long before Edward's burden of being aware of the evil, depressing thoughts of humans, sent Edward into a spiral of questions about everything that was good and just. Faced with his terrible dilemma of choosing between Carlisle's path of humanity, or his path of justice, it did not take long before Edward went his own way, for the first time in his life, he had seen the world completely on his own. After years in his own personal purgatory, Edward had returned to Carlisle and Esme a full month ago and had been accepted back as their long-lost, prodigal son.

He had overheard their conversation one day, Esme suggested Carlisle take a break off work and spend time with the Denali coven in Alaska over the holidays. It was mainly to help Edward adjust to the "vegetarian" lifestyle again; adjust to the now heavy burden of his past deeds that were significantly weighing on him and his relationships with others.

He stood on the porch of the Denali's massive hilltop lodge. The trees ahead were bare except for the snow that rested on their branches. The last time Edward was with the clan he was a newborn, adjusting to the overwhelming change of his life; that was close to twelve years ago. He was so youthful and innocent then, not like now, not after the things he had done.

Carlisle and Esme had told him countless times that they forgave him, but he was not sure he was ready for forgiveness yet. In a way he was still in purgatory, balancing in the middle of a dark self loathing while the other part of him wanted to be happy and reach out to the ones he loved. Whenever he tried; he was haunted by the dark memories of his "rebellion" period and retreated back into his emotionless shell.

He was pulled out of his stirring by the sound of his name being called from inside the house,

"Edward," Tanya said opening the front door, his head turned in her direction.

The first time he had stayed with Tanya, she had made no effort to hide her very vivid, lustful thoughts towards him. At the time, he persistently refused the many offers to "spend time" with her. It's not like she wasn't attractive to him, he just did not want to be with her as a mate. She apparently did not get (or care about) that message. Before he and Carlisle left the Denali's, his option was either to take Tanya's request and stay with her coven or leave with Carlisle. Of course he chose the latter, but he couldn't help but wonder if he would have stayed with the animal blood diet, if he had decided to join the Denali's.

Tanya spoke even though Edward already knew what she was thinking,

"I and some of the others are going hunting, join us."

She spoke casually, but with a hint of concern. Everyone had been acting cautious around him ever since he had arrived, as if he could burst into an emotional meltdown at any point. He did not know if he found their concern for his stability touching or just plain annoying.

"Sure," Edward replied, making his voice as enthusiastic as he could manage.

The hunt went well for the most part; Eleazar caught a bear all the way by the shores. Edward remained silent as everyone around him joked. The group ran back, they passed a large river surrounded by the skinny white trees. It was almost completely frozen, but the ice was still thin. Carlisle stopped running and Edward knew he wanted him to join. The rest of the group glanced back at them curiously but still ran on. Edward walked back to where Carlisle was now facing the river that the light of the sun reflected off of, resulting in the shimmer of Carlisle's pale skin.

"How are you doing?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm fine, Carlisle," Edward replied.

They stood like that, facing the ice for a few moments until Carlisle retrieved from his coat pocket, a ring that Edward recognized immediately; it had the Cullen crest on it.

"Here," Carlisle said as he handed it to him.

Edward hesitantly took it and stared at it. Years ago, he had taken off the family symbol because he had willingly abandoned Carlisle's lifestyle and felt like wearing it was dishonest. He left the ring behind before he had left Carlisle and Esme, so that there would be no reminder of his time with them.

"I would have liked to had given it back to you already, but I was not sure how you'd feel about wearing it so soon after..." Carlisle trailed off.

Edward understood what Carlisle meant. He knew that Edward would not have felt like he should wear it after how he had treated Carlisle and Esme for so many years before he finally betrayed them only to come back and ask for forgiveness, which in his opinion was too easily given. Edward slid the ring on his index finger. Wearing it felt strangely familiar to him. He felt like he should be wearing it, but there was a dirty, snakelike feeling to putting it on in front of a person as kind and compassionate as Carlisle.

For the months that followed after his return, Carlisle and Edward had been more distant than ever. One of the contributing factors was Edward's shame and torment for what he had put Carlisle through. Edward had seen the faded mark of the jagged scar that ran down Carlisle's left collarbone from when he had lost control and attacked him, this was right before Edward coldly told Carlisle that he'd never had a son and left him standing speechless on the front lawn.

As if Carlisle read his mind he said,

"The guilt will never go away Edward. Our kind does not forget we just simply carry on with our lives."

Edward knew he was right; the painful memories would never escape his mind. Why should he keep dwelling in a past he could not erase?

Before he could respond, Carlisle's memories of pain and torment that occurred during his absence flooded Edward's mind. Carlisle had never admitted to his crippling fear that Edward was going to leave again. Edward saw the doubt in Carlisle's thoughts of whether he did the right thing by pushing his own unnatural lifestyle on Edward when he was so young, which ultimately led to Edward's torment, deciding right from wrong. Edward saw him consoling the guilt stricken Esme, trying to convince her that she was not the reason for Edward's decision to leave. The memory from Carlisle's point of view, watching as Edward finished off the deer during a hunt they had weeks ago, badly wanting to reach out and tell him how much he cared and how much he wanted him to be happy again. And finally, Edward felt the inevitable resentment and feeling of betrayal radiating off of Carlisle's memories, of the worry he had put Carlisle through, making him believe he had lost his son, the resentment of the fact that Edward did not feel like he could come to him and tell him how he felt instead of distancing himself from him and Esme for all those years.

All of these thoughts were released from Carlisle's mind before he had the time to stop them from reaching Edward's. As quickly as Carlisle exposed them, he drew them all back in and blocked them as much as he could, but it was too late. Every level of pain Edward had caused Carlisle had just hit Edward with such a heavy force that it made him crumble in on himself, the emotions causing his body to shake uncontrollably as he knelt in the snow, his hands covering his face.

Carlisle sank down to his level to face him. He looked apologetic as his hand stroked Edward's shoulder.

"You should not be the one feeling guilty; it's my fault that you tormented for so long over killing humans. I now know that I failed to properly respond to you when you needed me most after I found Esme. I am the one who should be apologizing Edward, I should have been there." Carlisle felt more and more guilt and self doubt as he spoke.

Edward looked up at his father, "Carlisle don't. I caused you more grief than you will ever cause me. I selfishly sabotaged you and your relationship with Esme, blaming it for my own problems that I had needed to face for a long time. I left because I thought I was God, I thought I had the power to kill any human I saw fit because my power enabled me to judge them," Edward paused contemplating briefly and continued.

"I killed an innocent man Carlisle. I heard his dying thoughts; he was only stealing for his family. In that moment I saw you and discovered you were right, humans were more complex than I made them to be. The man's children were starving and I took away, their father..." Edward's voice cracked at the end and Carlisle's eyes widened, he pulled him into a warm embrace.

Edward for once gave in and responded to his mind that was dying to let out the emotions that overtook his mentality. In mid hug Edward said with a stifled voice,

"I don't want to leave again Carlisle. But I'm a monster for what I did. How can you just accept that and move on?"

Edward felt the relief flowing out of Carlisle's thoughts at these words. He pulled away and faced Edward,

"Edward, you are my son and you will always be welcome with me and Esme, do not ever doubt that. You are not a monster; you have the ability to feel remorse for your victims, something most vampire's lack."

Edward nodded, on the inside he was filled with comfort from his father's words. They both stood up.

_We should probably head back now, who knows what ridiculously large Christmas tree Esme and Kate brought back from town. _Carlisle thought sarcastically.

Carlisle was never one for lectures; he usually let Edward figure things out for himself. This was a trait that Edward had mixed feelings about; at times he loved it, but at other times, he wanted nothing more than to throw off Carlisle's never ending patience. He and Carlisle were very different when it came to managing emotions. Edward had inherited his unpredictable, fiery temper from his human father and was prone to overreaction, both traits completely opposite from Carlisle's typical calm and collected manner.

They made it to the house. The evergreen Christmas tree was as Carlisle predicted, ridiculously large. In a matter of seconds, the tree was decorated with ornaments; doves, icicles, snowflakes, acrylic pine cones, glass balls and bubble lights that looked like candles, angels peeping out here and there, topped with a couple of cardinals on a sprig of holly.

Late in the night, Edward grew tired of being in the house and left to explore the closest city about seven kilometers away from the isolated coven. Edward moved like a blur through the cold winter night. He was there in a couple of minutes; it was a small city with simple houses and shops. Not a soul was in sight as Edward walked down the lamp lit street.

Due to the economy being in the gutter, Edward often saw homeless people dwelling in the nooks and crannies of the towns he walked through at this time of night. Anyone homeless here would be dead within an hour due to the climate.

Tomorrow, a midst all the poverty in the country, the town would be bustling with cheery optimism. Soup kitchens would open, people would sing carols on the street and families would gather around their Christmas trees. The Denali's would do that too but it was never the same to Edward as watching humans do it. There was something more pure, more real to the sight. Maybe it was due to the fact that it represented another year of growth, another year that would pass. They aged physically and mentally with each passing holiday and that was something he and his family did not experience. There was no change, no growth, time moved forward but life went on unchanging for vampires.

This year however, was an exception; this time Edward had found a family with Carlisle _and_ Esme. Maybe it would not be long before he began making peace with his past deeds, making peace with himself.

**A/N: I struggled through this first chapter because it basically had to introduce and lay out where Edward was during this period after he has just returned from his rebellion and did a small recap of the previous story. The chapters to come will be more eventful now that I've taken care of that. **


	2. New Beginnings

**Chapter 2- New Beginnings**

Mt. Kinley, known locally as Denali, was a long tidewater glacier in Alaska extending over 76 miles. If someone decided to sail along the cliff face it would be over six miles wide, 300 to 400 feet from the top to sea level and 300 feet from sea level to bottom. As the glacier advanced, calving often occurred when pieces of it broke off and fell into the sea. The creaking sounds associated with the calving and the roar of the massive blocks of ice crashing into the water was as impressive as the visual scene. The beautiful blue colour associated with the glacier was created by the density of the ice which absorbed all the colours of the spectrum.

Within the glacier, Edward sat on the dry rocky surface against the tunnel wall of its partly submerged cavern. The roof of the tunnel above him was made up of glowing, blue, green and purple layers of ice that sparkled like crystals. Below the dry surface where he dwelled, the gentle sound of the clear stream of water ran in from the surrounding lake outside and down the never ending tunnel. Words could not describe how Edward felt about the place, not because of its natural beauty, but rather its solace and complete isolation from the rest of the world. Humans of course would not be safe around this dangerous shelter with its unpredictable falling chunks of ice, or its below freezing temperature, surrounded by the tall snow covered mountains.

However it was the perfect place for Edward to escape to, should he ever want to be alone. And right now he was alone as he wrote in the bindings of his journal. Edward had begun to keep one halfway through his rebellion; it was to him, a way of releasing all the millions of thoughts that were constantly running through his mind; whether they belonged to him or were those of others. It felt like in a way, he was coping with the constant mental battle that came as a side effect of his mental abilities.

He wrote about everything that went through his head, from his recent associations with others, to his current perspective of the world; natural and supernatural. Edward had just finished his writing and was shoving his book into the brown pack that swung around his shoulder. He stood up and ran through the tunnel, his bare fingers reaching out to stroke the slippery, smooth ice wall as he ran like a bullet with graceful strides that barely even disrupted the structure of his fragile surroundings.

He made it out of the entrance into the golden, magnificent scenery of the waterfall placed in front of him like a cliff. The mountains surrounded this cold ocean wonderland like a container. The sun was low in the sky, giving it a pink and reddish colour. It was late in the afternoon and night would be falling soon. Edward ran as fast as he could towards the edge of the waterfall and took a long and powerful leap off of it, over the rushing waves far below him, landing on the opposite end of the cave entrance in the snow 100 meters away. Edward was surprised by the distance of the jump he had managed and smiled to himself at this new record.

Then he ran down the mountainous landscape, further away from Mt. Kinley and into the forest. He reached the Eastern shores, closer to the house and picked up the sugary scent of another vampire. In an instant, he could feel Tanya's presence behind him,

"Lost?" She asked playfully.

Edward turned around to face her. She was wearing a sheer chiffon dress underneath a long, fitted lilac coat that was buttoned up to her scarf. Her strawberry blonde hair was pulled back and shone from the golden sheen of the setting sun.

Edward almost smiled and replied with a sardonic tone, "If you think it so Tanya."

"Always the gentleman," Tanya said, jokingly nudging his arm.

"You were sent looking for me?" Edward asked.

"Not sent," Tanya corrected.

Edward stared at her knowingly, "Everyone was beginning to worry about where I was weren't they?"

"Well…everyone is concerned for your "state" at the moment, but there is not much you can do to reassure anyone that you are going to be staying for good and not running off again," she said.

"Yes I suppose I dug my own grave didn't I?" Edward said walking along the dimly lighted snowy path, Tanya beside him.

She laughed lightly, "What did you do when you were on your own anyways?"

"Wandered, preyed on humans," Edward said.

"Anything unusual," Tanya inquired.

"I met a woman named Fidelia. She acted as my ally; then betrayed me." Edward said bitterly, still fretting over his own stupidity.

Tanya raised an eyebrow, "You were attracted to this woman?"

Edward did not answer, knowing he had said too much.

"I was too overcome with the passion of the moment to be suspicious of her real intentions. The next morning, the Volturi show up looking for her and ended up taking me due to my association with her. She had prior, planted her message to Aro in my thoughts so that he could know of her plans to overthrow them."

"And they let you go?" Tanya said.

"I got lucky, before they were about to destroy me, news of her assassination by a group of shape shifters was brought to them by one of her own created newborns and I was released. I cannot say I am in any way grieved by her death," Edward replied.

_I can't say I am either, _Tanya said in her mind, her thoughts laced with envy.

Edward knew why; his instant, lustful desire for Fidelia was a heavy blow to her ego. She had attempted to win Edward's attraction from the moment she saw him and he never did so much as bat an eye back in response. Edward supposed he should feel a bit remorseful for his ignorance, so he tried reassuring her,

"The situation involving Fidelia was a great deal different than ours. Fidelia was not connected with my family in any way when we spent that night together. In fact, I now think I did it because of that reason; she made me feel like I could live freely without the pressure of a coven on me. You are in contact with Carlisle and Esme and I am more cautious when I am here than when I was on my own. I think things through, which is something I obviously did not do when I was in acquaintance with her and look how that relationship turned out."

"I understand Edward, my thoughts were just clouded with frazzled surprise when you told me that you actually lusted after a woman," Tanya said.

"I assure you that my unresponsiveness in regards to your feelings towards me was not because of you, you're already aware of how lovely you are and any man would be happy to have your attention. But I've already concluded that I am not like most men when it comes to reacting accordingly to normal circumstances, such as a beautiful woman's attention. I am rarely ever connected with that feeling of desire," Edward said.

His face became dark; he stopped and turned his head, his eyes in a different place when he said, "Do you think me a bit unworldly, Tanya?"

She paused, leaning against the tall tree beside her, "A bit abstruse maybe, but we've all had our own share of strangeness manifest itself at least once. And in your particular case, I am no stranger to the confusion of this life Edward. I was after all, the first of my sisters to ever question the possibility of a more, "civilized" path of quenching our thirst for blood."

"Carlisle never mentioned why you and your coven do not kill humans," Edward said speculatively.

They continued walking, Tanya spoke,

"I was turned into a vampire by my adoptive mother Sasha when I was still living in ancient Slovakia, along with Kate and Irina. For years she had kept her creation of a newborn child a secret and when the crime was revealed and the Volturi came to seek justice, I understood why. They killed her and spared us because of our lack of knowledge.

The pain and loss of our mother became unbearable and I tried for years to fill the void with a long line of flirtations, but every man I courted ended in death due to my inability to resist their blood. I began to start to feel remorse for these small losses and after years of keeping to myself in a state of depression and avoiding human men altogether, I eventually considered that satisfying myself by hunting animals, could take care of my nutritional needs without weakening my ability to resist human blood. I introduced the idea to Kate and Irina. Of course they thought I was crazy but they were also beginning to feel slight guilt over their own victims and after centuries, we learnt to control our thirst.

For the longest time I thought that I was alone in this strange animal-hunting lifestyle Edward. It was not until I met Carlisle and realized that he fought the same battle against his instincts as I did. The same struggle you go through now. Of course you are not unworldly Edward; you just have a good heart with honorable intentions and struggle to manage them from time to time. As soon as you accept that you will never have all the answers for what you are and why you are here, the more "worldly" you will feel."

Edward thought of her words. Perhaps she was right; he was just over thinking his convictions, blinded by his hatred for what he is, and his struggle to accept it.

The moon was high in the starlit sky now and Edward asked Tanya,

"So if you were not sent, why did you come looking for me anyways?"

"It seems your time with us is now limited and I could not simply turn down the opportunity to spend time with you before you and your family leave us again," she replied.

"We are leaving? When?" Edward asked.

"Carlisle's already purchased the house, in Rochester."

"Rochester? Edward said contemplating. "I've never been to New York."

"Then perhaps you will find something there that interests you for the better. You never know," Tanya said with a wink, and then asked, "So you're really going to stick with animal blood for good?"

Edward replied, "Before I returned to Carlisle and Esme, I promised myself that if they would accept me as their son again, I would change things for the better. That is what I intend to do."

* * *

It was early April, the rain pounded harshly against the windows of the moving train. Edward stared through the foggy glass at the grey landscape; far in the distance he saw smoke rising from the bustling city. He had learned from his many years as a vampire, to love the rain. As a child he hated it, bad weather meant staying inside all day, bored. Now it was the complete opposite.

The seat beside him was empty except for his carry-on bag with his ticket and pocket money. In the two seats that faced him, Carlisle and Esme sat. Carlisle had his nose planted in a book, Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Fred Engles. Esme's head was leaned against his shoulder as she gazed at the moisture running down the window, daydreaming. Across the Isle from them to their left, Edward turned and observed the gloomy, tired faces of the other passengers. Most families were moving to the city to find work because nobody had money to buy from their farms and many young men were taking government jobs building roads and bridges.

The train came to a halt; the stop was Rochester, New York. Depending on how things went for them, they would be living in this city for the next few years.

**A/N: I'll be sure to update soon but feel free to comment.**


	3. May Flowers

**Chapter 3- May Flowers**

**_1932_**

It was a busy and exiting place; the house was on the edge of town in the woods, fairly isolated from the city with not much human activity. But they still had to be more cautious, just in case a hiker happened to be around and decided to peek through the vines covering their fence to see them sprint out into the sunlight at vampire speed.

The Victorian style house was much bigger than their typical home, for the first week they had moved in, Esme had been going to great lengths, cleaning up the dusty old place and enslaving Edward to arrange fabrics based on shade and help her move furniture. She planted a beautiful garden that ran around the front and back of the house. Although they did not need them, Esme grew fresh fruits and vegetables in the yard and donated them along with the food they bought so they would not look suspicious, to the food bank a few blocks away.

Edward finally had been talked into attending school and was admitted into Joseph C. Wilson Academy. This was the most prestigious high school in the city and was to Edward's dismay, filled with the most spoiled, arrogant students he had ever met. The vast majority of his pupils there had been pampered their entire lives, surrounded by other rich kids therefore when confronted with someone of lesser fortune, they could never comprehend it and most often, mocking was employed. They were also lazy and usually received failing marks in school. The latent motto of the school was why work hard when they can just spend their inheritance money or begin a career straight out of school working as the vice president at their father's company, leaving all the work to those lower than them. The females were only sent there by their parents so that they would find a rich husband; most of their thoughts were mean and judgemental. Edward constantly heard them belittling other girls that they pretended to be friends with.

Edward mostly kept to himself during classes, ignoring his classmate's sneer thoughts towards him. They thought things like, _he's handsome I wonder if he is rich; why doesn't he talk to anyone? He probably thinks he is better than us; I heard that his brother in law is some top surgeon or something. Who does this honcho think he is? Someone's gotta teach him a lesson_and _why doesn't he notice me?_Some of the girls tried charming him, but Edward did not drool over them like most males which made them angry and bitterly roll their eyes every time they saw him.

An exceptionally attractive girl named Rosalie Hale, who was in his music class happened to be one of these girls. Her beauty was superior to the other females and she was the most popular girl in the senior class. Her thoughts were like many, vain and shallow. She had every boy in school wrapped around her finger, every boy except for Edward of course and she was constantly baffled as to why Edward would not respond to her. She brushed off this insecurity and covered it up by throwing glares and petty insults towards him. It was clear that his first high school experience as a vampire was going to be interesting.

Despite school, things at home were going better than ever for Edward. He and Carlisle were spending more time together and back to having their infamous debates on philosophy and politics like they used to. Due to the long and suspiciously inhuman hours Carlisle worked however, many of Edward's afternoons were spent with Esme, helping her renovate the old house or running errands in town. It seemed that they were finally beginning to build a relationship now that he was not childishly denying her presence all the time.

May came quickly and the weather was warming up. Edward walked through their long, spacious backyard one afternoon; the sun was low in the sky which gave the atmosphere an astonishing golden glow. When they first had moved in months ago, the yard had been a steep grassy hill and had one lone ancient tree that stood by the bare fence. Every afternoon, he and Esme worked tirelessly on it; weeding, moving, planting, building, designing and now, beauty flowed from every corner by the way the flowers swayed carelessly with the breeze, as if spring would last forever.

Edward surprisingly enjoyed the peacefulness that the now lively garden brought him. Newly placed stones ran down the winding pathway towards the pond that sat in front of the elegant gazebo Esme built that had a detailed stone bench, bought at an antique shop. The path ran beside a white, vine laced lattice garden fence that was put up. Behind it was where Esme grew her fresh legumes that she donated and as Edward looked through the fence, he saw her tending to her blue geraniums. She wore a simple pale peach dress; her hair was bundled up with a butterfly clip as it usually was when she worked. Her skin shone, matching the golden glow of her surroundings and she hummed a soft melody to herself. She knew Edward was there and motioned for him to help her.

Edward walked around the fence and got down on his knees in front of the untended flowers, beside her. They silently worked, but something had been bothering him, he was compelled to get it off his chest; then he told her something he had never told anyone,

"Esme, before I left you and Carlisle, I killed a man. His name was Curtis, he had an alcohol addiction and was very violent when drunk," Edward paused. "His wife, Jodie secretly planned to escape from him in the night when I heard her thoughts. I saw this woman and felt her fear through her mind; I couldn't will myself to stay away, not knowing if she would manage to escape, when I saw her I thought of you."

Esme turned and looked at him with surprise for a moment then her face became understanding. Edward flinched at the images that flashed through her mind of her human husband, Charles abusing her and her escaping in the night when she found out she had become pregnant.

"And this is what made you want to start taking the lives of criminals like Curtis?" Esme asked gently she put down the spade.

"I had been questioning my convictions long before then but yes, this is what pushed me over the edge," Edward replied.

"Does Carlisle know this?" She asked.

Edward shook his head and said, "I did not want to tell him some of the things I did. Frankly I was ashamed, Carlisle has never even had a murderous hateful thought so how could he understand my actions?"

Esme smiled and Edward heard her thoughts, _still so much to learn __she thought_.

"What do you mean?" Edward said, taken aback. Of course he didn't know everything about Carlisle, but well enough to know his overall persona.

"I don't mean that you do not know Carlisle, but he is still imperfect, even as a vampire. He just does not like to own up to it," Esme replied steadily.

Edward was unconvinced still and looked down. Sensing this, Esme said,

"Edward, there are things he has kept from you, things you don't know despite your mind reading," Esme continued when Edward did not say anything. "During your absence, we moved to Ohio my home state, another part of it course. We were in the city one night when I picked up Charles' scent in a nearby general store. Carlisle had to stop me from losing control and attacking him. At home that night, I fell into an emotional state of hate and pain all at once. It was then that Carlisle began to become vengeful of him to the point beyond his own control. And that same night, we tracked his scent and we carried through with the horrible deed."

Edward's eyes widened and he looked at her, in her thoughts he saw the flashback of Carlisle's angry, inhuman expression and the murder scene through her own eyes. He never thought it possible for the kindest people he knew to seek this kind of restitution. She placed a gloved hand on his arm and spoke again,

"See, no one is ever as perfect as you think them to be, even if you are a mind reader. After he did what he did, he felt the same guilt that you feel right now, but at a certain point he accepted his actions for what they were and moved on. And that is what you need to do, even if it seems you can't, we are here to help."

This newfound information about Carlisle, a man who hated violence of any kind, was confusing, overwhelming and at the same time, a burst of enlightenment. Edward only now realized that he had always been feeling only for his mistakes and not stopping to recognize the regrets and failures of others. He was no different than anyone else; the only difference happened to be that those around him did not sit and dwell in the past as he did.

Esme's expressions were soft and motherly. She turned to get up and tossed the weeds into the gardening wagon behind them.

"Esme?" Edward asked looking up at her.

_Yes dear_, He heard through her thoughts.

"I never apologized for the way I treated you at first. It was wrong of me to blame you for my own problems at the time," Edward said.

Esme nodded and replied, "It's alright, I tried not to take any of it personally. I only worried about what your leaving would do to Carlisle. When you left us, for the first few weeks, he rarely came out of his office except to hunt. It was almost like he was a shadow of his former self."

Edward knew this and had often avoided thinking about how Carlisle was doing without him when he was away.

Esme saw Edwards's guilt stricken expression and said, "He loves you Edward, even if you have the impression that I might have been replacing you in some way and that he no longer needed you. He wants to reach out to you; you just have to let him."

Edward deeply thought about her words as they approached the house. Esme sped up ahead of him and he watched her as she glided to the woodshed to put away the tools. How he had misjudged her this whole time, Esme was wiser and her personality, deeper layered than how her natural optimism and grace portrayed of her. He was struck with the feeling of a new perception when he realized that in a way, she reminded him of his mother.


	4. Control

**Chapter 4- Control**

The last couple months of school finally arrived and graduation was nearing quickly. Edward's biology teacher Mr. Froid was a scrawny old man whose job that included teaching insufferable brats in the middle of a recession, had probably taken a full twenty years off of his life. In late May he asked Edward, being the best student in the senior class to volunteer to be an after school tutor for anyone who needed it. Even though Edward heard in Mr. Froid's thoughts that it was technically his duty, he understood his lack of willingness to teach the students, so Edward complied.

Unsurprisingly, not many students ever showed up and Edward often ended up spending his volunteer hours in the library, scanning through books.

It was one particular day after school that he was drawn towards the music room by the sound of the piano being played. As he got closer towards the French glass doors opening to the room, he saw her through the glass. It was Rosalie Hale; she strummed the notes almost expertly, her slender fingers dancing gracefully across the keys. It was so uncharacteristic for her to still be at school, let alone willingly practicing for music class.

As Edward spied on her, she did not even notice him there. She was so focused on the music and staying at a perfect tempo on each bar. It was fascinating to Edward that she was actually paying attention to something other than the usual status or beauty.

Edward was pulled from his pondering when he heard his name in someone else's thoughts. The person was in the tutoring room. Edward floated down the hallway to find a pupil in his senior grade; his name was Nicholas Howard, he had a boyish face with light brown hair and eyes.

"Hi, did you need some help?" Edward asked, startling him a bit when he turned up behind him.

"Ya, I've got some biology work I need help with," He replied motioning to the books in his hand.

For the next few minutes, Edward helped explain to him the more complex material of the unit and Nicholas gradually started to understand. It was refreshing for Edward to see someone seeming to have some work ambition at this school. Edward became curious and asked,

"What are your plans after graduation?"

"I want to study medicine. But I'm hoping to get a good scholarship so I have to keep my grades up, especially in biology. What about you?" Nicholas asked.

Edward wondered why someone going here would need a scholarship for college. Edward decided it would be rude to ask and instead responded to his question as truthfully as necessary,

"I want to go into medicine as well. My sister's husband is a doctor at the hospital; perhaps I could get you a letter of recommendation?" Edward said, using the brother-in-law facade to cover any suspicion about his relations to Carlisle and Esme.

"Thanks that would be great," Nicholas replied.

They continued to talk about school. During the conversation, Edward found out that he lives with his younger sister and parents in the city and through his thoughts, Edward found out the reason he needs a scholarship is because his father had been let go from his job at the King Bank along with dozens of other employees due its recent spending cutbacks. His parents could no longer afford to send him to college and he would have to pay his way through school if he wanted to be in the medical field.

Edward recognized the King Bank to be run by the father of Royce King, who was in their senior class. Royce was in Edward's opinion one of the worst people he had come in contact with in the school, his thoughts were vulgar and he consistently bullied those who he saw as inferior to him and his inheritance. Teachers knew about his behavior but were too afraid to say anything, fearing his father, being a person of high authority in the area would get involved and they might end up losing their job.

Nicholas glanced at the clock on the wall.

"I'd better go now," he stood up.

Edward packed up and made his way out of the building along with Nicholas. They passed the music room and Edward glanced in briefly, Rosalie Hale was gone.

They headed to the front doors and Edward took note of the bright rays of sunlight shining down through the large windows above the doors. Edward stopped before he could reach the light and Nick turned questioningly.

"Forget something?" He asked.

"Yes, I left something in the tutor room, just go ahead without me," Edward said smoothly.

He left and Edward retreated to the library where he would be until the sunlight went away. He hated when he got trapped somewhere because of the weather. It was definitely one of the irritating parts of coexisting with humans, while still keeping his existence a secret. He slumped in the unused, science and technology part of the library at the very back corner, where no one would notice his presence.

The sun shone proudly for longer than he had expected and by the time it faded, it was evening. The school had closed a half hour ago and the lights were shut off, but Edward had not let anyone see that he was still there. He exited the building and walked down the now dim street, turning into the corridor and taking the shortcut down the grassy hill beside the shore of a large lake which had little pedestrian traffic at this time. Above the water, the crescent moon shone high in the sky, below on the shore Edward saw a drunk, hysterical group of males. Edward spotted within the group, Royce King. He noticed Edward and called obnoxiously to him,

"Look who it is, the school pet himself. Hey Cullen, come here and join us?"

Edward did not reply, instead he kept walking and passed him, not even giving them a glance. Royce was agitated by the response. He turned to the rest of the group and said loudly,

"I think Cullen thinks he's better than us, who agrees?"

The other males shouted in agreement,

"Cullen!" Edward heard Royce shout, Edward knew Royce was challenging him.

Edward ignored him until he saw in some of the other boy's minds, the events that had occurred a few nights prior. One of their thought's showed the vivid scene of them cornering a student who he recognized as the guy their age, that had been found dead recently, due to a bad blow to the head. They had gotten off Scot free for the crime and no one dared to think that they were the ones responsible. Edward saw no fear of being caught, from any one of them. The memory disgusted him; which caused him to stop dead in his tracks, his fists clenched.

The group was heading directly towards him. Edward was angry now which was not good when he was also being provoked by Royce King of all people. He took a few calming breaths to clear out what he had just seen and turned around to face them. He looked at Royce with an intimidating monstrous, vampire gaze, staring straight into his eyes. Royce instinctively drew back. Edward felt a low growl rising from his chest and he stifled a hiss that almost slipped through his teeth. It took everything in Edward not to rip off their arrogant, selfish heads. He stared for a few seconds, calming down then spun around again and walked away quickly.

Edward heard the realization of what had just happened flash through Royce's mind in disbelief. He had for once been intimidated and his ego had been badly wounded by this. Trying to recover from what had just occurred; Royce snickered as if Edward was not worth his time and joined in the laughter among his intoxicated minions. Meanwhile in his head, he was already plotting ways in which he could recover from this dent in his pride.

Edward was surprised by the ferocity of his anger. He was still thinking about the fact that they murdered a student like it was nothing and would never pay for it. It was even more frustrating because Edward was the only one who knew what they did. He could not kill them, he had promised not to kill anymore, but right now he was struggling to keep that promise.

As soon as he reached the forest, he took off at vampire speed and made it to his house. He stormed through the front door and up the stairs to his room, shutting the door behind him. He clutched the door handle tightly, disfiguring the shape. He was doing it to keep himself from going back and doing what he would have done months ago when he was on his own. He stared at the wooden clock hanging on his bedroom wall, after a long ten minutes of clutching the handle, he gained control again and let go.

It took Edward a while to fully acknowledge how close he had come to killing Royce and his group. Obviously the fire inside of him from his time alone had not been completely washed away. He kept the incident to himself and did not tell Carlisle and Esme about it. But Edward struggled to predict how long it would be before his mind reading ability got the best of him again and led him to completely lose control.

**A/N: The piano scene with Rosalie will be significant in the chapters to come and of course this is not the last you will be hearing of Nicholas or Royce King. Please review if you have any suggestions or comments.**


	5. Frustration

**A/N: I'm back finally. Thanks for all of your helpful reviews and also, just in case you are getting anxious for Rosalie to be added to the storyline, don't worry she will be inserted into the dynamic shortly. I already have a plan for where I want the story to go and I promise you won't be disappointed.**

**Chapter 5- Frustration**

**1933**

The entire New York City Street was bustling with the amount of civilians packed into it. Street vendors, smoke rising from the pipes, the cars and horse buggies that navigated through the pedestrian traffic, kids sold newspapers on the corner, women hung up laundry on apartment balconies, and men did labour jobs like move boxes and furniture; there were too many thoughts for Edward to decipher all at once.

It was February now and Edward had been attending University of Rochester for over a full semester. It was in the heart of the city and Edward loved it a million times more than high school. The students were actually interested in the lectures and he had enthusiastic, in class discussions with both his classmates and professors, although at times he had to dumb himself down in order to avoid suspicion as to why he knew more than the professor about the subject. College was an insightful new experience for him.

In Edward's physics class, Nicholas Howard, the student he often helped with biology back in high school sat near him. His exceptionally high grades had gotten him a few grants and awards for university and he managed to find part time work at a warehouse doing odd jobs for the manager on weekends and evenings while attending college just to get by. The hours and working conditions were dreadful but he was lucky in times like these to even have managed to get employment. They talked often in class and it did not take long before they were friends, along with a few others they had met. Edward figured there was no harm in being social with people as long as he was attending college. Besides, hanging out with them was better than wandering the streets while the married couple back at home "spent time together;" their thoughts bombarding Edward's mind from a 5 mile radius.

There was a particular amount of tension in the chilly winter streets today as Edward and three of his classmates including Nick were heading out for lunch between classes. Edward knew that it was about the workers strike that was causing quite a stir in town. People were growing tired of the country's state and of the rich taking advantage of it. There was always a new cover story of incidents, usually involving the banks. A particular riot occurred a week ago involving King Bank, the corporation that is now almost fully in the hands of the all too good-natured, Royce King, heir to the family fortune. Many of the workers that were protesting ended up getting drawn back by mounted police and arrested.

The group gathered in the small sandwich shop on the corner of the street, they sat down in the booth. One of the guys named Freddy who sat across the table from Edward spoke,

"Edward, we're all gathering down by the city hall tonight, me and Luke need to write an article on a recent social movement for media class and what better to write about than a riot right in the middle of the city. You comin' to join us or what?"

"I'm interning at the hospital tonight," Edward replied.

"You can just come after you're done, I'm going after work," Nicholas said.

Edward predicted this demonstration would cause just as big of a stir as last week's events at the bank, if not more depending on how many people showed up. Joining the protest would not be doing a very good job of following Carlisle's "lay low" advice. But Edward figured that he would just be there to observe, and he would be keen enough to not get into any sort of trouble anyway.

"Fine I'll come, but don't expect me to be posing for any reporters alright," Edward said jokingly.

"Eddie and Nick here are still keeping up a good rep for med school," Luke teased knowing full well how much Edward despised the nickname "Eddie".

The group headed back to class, chatting casually. The topic of Royce King sprung up.

"I heard he got engaged," Nicholas said. "To Rosalie Hale."

"Perfect couple they are; the prettiest girl marrying the richest son-of-a-bitch in the city." Luke said with a hint of bitterness in his tone.

Luke was right; they did seem like the perfect couple, their statuses fit so perfectly. As the group got to the school, Edward wondered to himself how long it would take for Royce to get bored and search elsewhere meanwhile using her for his own selfish reasons. He did not dwell on the passing thought for long.

The Richford hospital was not far from City hall. Edward often interned there; running errands, organizing supplies. The work was a bit tedious at times but Edward did not mind much. He got to observe Carlisle treat patients but he did not trust himself enough to be with him in the surgery room yet.

Even the hospital was growing tense due to the lack of funds; many people were let go recently and supplies were cut down to almost half. Low staffing meant double the work for the rest of the medical personnel, which combined with a lack of supplies and a significant increase in patients due to malnourishment from lack of basic necessities, meant chaos.

It was getting dark outside. Edward was grabbing his coat to leave. He passed Carlisle in the hall on his way out and heard from his thoughts that he assumed Edward was going to where the demonstration would be happening. He was concerned by his going, the last thing his family needed was any unnecessary attention,

_Be careful Edward _Carlisle murmured in his thoughts, Edward knew what he meant.

Then Edward was out the door and walking down the dark chilly street. He already heard the people; it was a bigger crowd than he thought. Thousands of people flooded the road, armed with signs painted with slogans like "We want 8 hours a day" or "Red, because we fight for bread" all showing the problems the current workplace of America brought them. His three schoolmates were on the grass at the side of the tall stone building by a tree. Edward shoved his way through the rowdy crowd and stood by them.

"Hey guys, look who showed up," Freddy said.

"Look," Nicholas pointed to the police cars and horses moving closer to the body of people.

The officers that just arrived on the scene were attempting to warn the crowd but it was not working. From their place at the side of the street, Edward saw the rioter's attack police, smash cars and drag passengers from them and throw stones at shop windows.

It was a party of destruction and it lasted about twenty minutes until backup was brought in and an army of armed officers wearing masks began launching tear gas at the crowd. Then people were moving away slightly; choking and gagging on the horrible substance while they did.

One rioter took the violence to another level when he took out a rifle and fired at the police through the heavy smoke. It was enough cause for the officers to immediately they begin firing at the man, taking out others in the crowd with him.

Edward was on the other end of the street now with Luke who was gasping for air. Edward effectively pretended to do the same. They both looked around, although the bombs took out a good chunk of the crowd, there were still many who were determined to make their point. They tipped police cars over and tore down streetlamps. The mob mentality had fully manifested itself now.

Luke saw Freddy in the swirling crowd and called to him. He joined them and he asked,

"Where's Nick?"

"He probably ran with the crowd the minute shots got fired. Come on guys let's get out of here," Freddy said.

"Ya I'm pretty sure I've got more than enough to write for my paper," Luke said.

Edward picked up Nicholas's scent through the people around him and was surprised when along with it, came a burning in his throat. It was the smell of his blood, a great deal of it.

"Come on I think I saw him," Edward said, leading them to the uncontaminated edge of the street to where his scent was. Then by the broken lamppost, they saw him sprawled out on the side of the pavement against the building wall.

"Nick!" Luke said running over to him. They managed to drag his mangled body off into a small crevice in the wall where the crowd ran past them.

He was still barely conscious.

"Oh no. He's been hit!" Freddy yelled.

Edward saw the bullet wound that formed around his abdomen area. He was losing blood fast, if he didn't get help soon he would die.

"What do we do?" Luke said frantically.

Edward examined the thick group of people flooding the street. All the blood and humans around him was making it hard to think straight. Edward knew that at vampire speed, he could get Nick to the hospital in 30 seconds maximum, but he knew he could not do that here. He would have to find another way to help him.

"Nicholas, hang on buddy," Freddy said to his half-conscious friend.

Edward's brain snapped on again and he spoke, "We have to control the bleeding by putting pressure on the wound." Edward quickly took off his own sweater and in seconds had it tied firmly around Nicholas's torso.

"We have to try and get him to the hospital," Edward said.

He looked out of the passage where they were and onto the road. Taxis fought to make their way through the sudden explosion of pedestrian traffic.

Luke helped Edward lift him up and he groaned from the pain of the wound. They quickly carried him through the crowd onto the side of the street where a taxi driver honked angrily. Edward knocked loudly on the window; the driver winded it down a bit.

"This cab's not in service right now. Beat it kid," He spat.

Edward balanced Nick's weight on one hand and slipped out his wallet with the other. Taking out a large sum of money and waving it in the driver's view. He immediately assumed Edward was some kind of thief or a bootlegger to have so much money at his age. The bribe unsurprisingly worked however.

"Alright, get in," He said.

They made it through the traffic and to the hospital emergency entrance. By this time, Nick was unconscious when he was taken away on a stretcher through the swinging doors to be prepped for surgery.

Luke volunteered to do the gruelling task of calling Nick's parents from the hospital phone. They were of course in a near panic when they got to the waiting room of the hospital. They explained to them what happened and more or less his parents absorbed the information.

His mother, a slender middle aged woman clutched onto a small little girl of about 8 or 9, Nick's sister Anna. His father looked weary, with a worried expression painted on his face. His dark brown hair showed hints of grey forming at the sides. After what seemed like years of waiting, Carlisle emerged from the swinging doors, all eyes turned to him.

Nicholas's father asked Carlisle with fearful thoughts, preparing himself mentally for any bad news, "What is it Dr? Is my boy alright?"

Everyone listened closer to hear the reply. Carlisle answered speaking with a calm and serious tone, instantly relieving some of the worry through everyone.

"Well your boy is very lucky. The bullet did not rupture any major organs and because he was treated so quickly after the injury, we were able to control the blood loss before it was too late. He is unconscious at the moment; the anaesthesia still has yet to wear off. He'll need to be here in our care for the next few days. I suggest that for now, visiting will have to be limited to immediate family, he is still in a fragile condition." Carlisle added in his thoughts for Edward, _You and your friends should go home tonight, visit him tomorrow. _

Edward nodded at him without anyone seeing. He, Freddy and Luke parted ways as soon as Nicholas's parents were led by the nurse to his room. They were all feeling in a way responsible, especially Freddy, who had been the one to propose they go deeper into the scene, causing the incident to happen. Edward did not particularly want to go home, it's not like he needed the rest, but the ER was already busy enough; especially from the "peaceful" demonstration that turned into a hostile mob when the police showed up and decided to take action; so Edward went back home grimly to wait until the night was over and he could face what his world would bring in the morning.

**A/N: Just to clear up any confusion, the worker's strike theme in this chapter is based on actual mobbing incidents during the American Great Depression (particularly in New York). I tried to make it as historically accurate as possible so all of the details, including the issues surrounding the banks, the vandalism and the tear gas that was used by the police are all taken from various accounts of the protests during this time period. Also, I am already halfway through my next chapter so it will be up shortly**


	6. Sparrow in the Rain

**Chapter 6- Sparrow in the Rain**

"I'm deeply sorry that this situation had to occur. I'd done all on my part to stop it. I'd pleaded with the men to draw back. They refused to do it and continued to cause a disturbance, I had to take action because the law must be enforced," This is what the Sheriff said from the radio on Edward's bedroom table.

The interview continued, the radio announcer thanked the sheriff for coming on and then continued,

"Last night's events have made it clear that the industrial dispute has now reached an extremely serious position. Casualties were numerous, the authorities were eventually compelled to use firearms, and twelve deaths are already reported. Current President Franklin Roosevelt will be addressing the growing number of riots in New York later today. In the meantime-"

Edward shut off the radio; he was in his room laying on his bed that was only placed there for show. He heard the sound of Carlisle opening the front door. He had worked overtime mainly because of all the wounded people from mob last night. After greeting Esme, Carlisle was in the doorway of Edward's room, his clothing was mildly ruffled and he had a weighted, stressed expression, for once Carlisle almost looked tired.

Edward sat up and asked, "How is he?"

_Based on the nurse's report, his physical condition is doing better. Early this morning, he awoke, but his movement is still limited, _Carlisle replied through his thoughts.

"I noticed you are managing your thirst better than ever. The boy had a great deal of blood loss. How did you manage to get him to the hospital so fast anyways?" Carlisle asked with curiosity.

"Bribed a cab driver," Edward replied.

"And you managed to be in an isolated vehicle while maintaining your thirst. That is impressive Edward," Carlisle admired, astonished by how working in a hospital had strengthened his control.

"It was not without effort," Edward mumbled, he was after all holding his breath for most of the car ride.

Carlisle left to go to his study and Edward retreated to his piano. He played an original composition he had been composing for the past few days. It was not a sad or happy piece; it was more of a mix of things, which seemed appropriate for him.

* * *

Edward strode through the halls of the bustling hospital. It was midday and he was finished his shift. He was heading over to the room where Nick was to see how he was doing. The curtains draped around where his bed was. The only noise in the room was the mental thoughts of the other patients, and the beeping sounds of the machines. The curtain was halfway open, Edward peeked in and saw Nicholas who was leaned upright in his bed, he was awake. When he saw Edward, he smiled in greeting, but it did not reach his eyes. Edward came in and sat on the empty chair that was next to the bed.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

Nicholas snorted sarcastically and said, "I'm not quite sure."

Edward sensed that he was upset about something, other than his injury but he could not quite place it through his thoughts. They were jumbled and fast paced.

"What do you mean?" he asked a phrase he rarely ever used.

Nicholas's eyes motioned to a large brown envelope on the table next to him. Edward reached for it, on the front were handwritten word's that read, _"Lincoln Medical- Program Admission Letter." _

"You can open it," Nick said.

Edward took out the letter from the envelope and his eyes quickly scanned the paper.

_"This acceptance is contingent upon the successful completion of your present academic program, including the minimum course requirements as noted on the Prerequisite Completion Sheet."_

"Nick, you got into the medical program you wanted, this is great news," Edward said.

"I'm not going," Nicholas replied.

"What?" Edward asked.

"I lost my job by the docks," He replied. "Because I could not come in to work."

Edward was surprised, "but surely the boss understands that you cannot-"

"That manager does not give a second thought for the welfare of his employees, besides I am easily replaceable by the hundreds of others who are desperate to take my place. And on top of that, I found out this morning, that my father has fallen very ill, and it's not like we have the extra money for hospital treatment. If anything happens to him, I have to be there for my mother and sister. And I still have yet to figure out how my medical fees will be covered." Nicholas said.

Edward had no idea how to respond, but it did not seem like Nicholas was in need of a response, so he did not speak. They sat for a while in silence, until Nicholas said,

"Edward,"

Edward looked at him, he only noticed now that Nicholas looked different, his face was no longer boyish and optimistic like when he had first met him, he had a more mature look in his eyes, he had grown, physically and mentally. Edward could not help but envy this human feature, the ability to grow physically, eventually; he would look older than Edward's permanent, half adolescent-half adult state.

"Yes?" Edward replied.

"Thank you; Luke told me you were the one who managed to control the bleeding and get me to the hospital after I was injured. If you were not there, I would be dead" Nicholas said.

Edward said quietly, "you're welcome." Little did Nicholas know that one life saved, would not make up for the hundreds of lives Edward had taken.

Edward eventually rose from his seat and grabbed his coat. He looked to Nicholas and said,

"I'll be seeing you Nick,"

"I'm checking out tonight, you won't be seeing me at school anymore. Goodbye Edward."

Edward left feeling low on himself. School was not the same after that; things were darker, duller. Freddy did not talk as much, still feeling partially responsible for Nick's injury, which was the leading factor that caused him to have to drop out. None of them spoke as much anymore, it was like a different place.

Even at home, Edward was quiet and withdrawn once again. He came home and finished his homework assignments, then sat in his room, writing in his journal or playing piano to himself. Carlisle and Esme were worried about his familiar behaviour rearing its ugly head once again.

Carlisle and he were hunting one day. They finished and were heading back to the car, as they drove down the country road, they talked casually.

"I heard about what happened at the city protest. The area is a wreck now, windows smashed, cars tipped and anything else that would qualify as the remains of an angry group of humans," Carlisle said.

"Well right now, it seems like no one is doing well at the moment. Too much investment, people can't pay their loans back, so no profit, which equals zero business for the banks and no certainty that the rich will stay rich. It's got everyone riled up," Edward said.

"Speaking of banks, an invitation came in the mail. It's from Mr. King; he is throwing a big event in honour of his son's engagement."

Edward rolled his eyes at the news, Carlisle chuckled and said, "I thought that might be your reaction, the scenery will no doubt be filled with political jabber by a very large group of upper class, members of town. I'm sure there will be plenty of eager hospital CEO's just waiting to hound me about my number of transfers in the past five years.

"It's not just that, Royce King was in the same senior class as I in high school. Let's just say our first time speaking was nothing short of hostile," Edward said.

"Well I've never been too fond of his father's business either. It's all a big indulgent corporate operation over there. I don't find it hard to believe that his offspring is any different," Carlisle replied.

"I find it amazing how crooked humanity can be. How different an individual's situation is compared to the next," Edward was more talking to himself now. Carlisle replied,

"Well it's up to all of us to just make the best out of our own lives and try to make the lives of others around us, a little better."

They got back home. Carlisle went inside the stony house to where Esme was. They kissed in greeting while Edward stood outside; his parents were confused as to why he was not coming in the house. After a moment, Edward shoved his hands in his pockets and walked out through the front yard fence and in the direction of the city.

When Edward's parents died, Carlisle had managed to retrieve the large sum of money that they left behind and placed it in Edward's keeping. Edward had to make a few stops in the dim evening city before he made it to the other end of Rochester, where the red brick apartments were; squeezed together in one small complex. Inside Nicholas and his family lived on the second floor of the building. Edward heard the sickly coughing of his father, his mother was in the next room, putting Anna to bed. He found out through his mother's thoughts that Nicholas was out at work for the new job he found, it was not much but it was something.

Edward left the area knowing that when Nicholas arrived home, he would trudge up to his room to find an envelope shoved through his windowsill. In it would be a note marked anonymously and along with it, would be the money that would grant him the life that he had always worked so hard for and had given up so selflessly. Edward would never have spent it as meaningfully as Nicholas would; after all he had no real use for it.

Perhaps this could be a sort of restitution, to clear him of his guilt. But even that was only wishful thinking; his guilt would stay with him forever, even if he did follow Carlisle's philosophy of making the lives of others better. He walked down the road but did not go home; instead his instincts carried him to a place that strangely gave him a sense of comforting familiarity. This time however, he was not at the train station to lean against the wall and watch the passing humans get on and off the train; instead he walked straight up to the ticket booth and asked the man for a ticket out of state. He handed over the change in exchange for the piece of paper and after a few short minutes the train came, the whistle sounded and passengers lined up and began piling on.

Edward grabbed the rail and stepped onto the platform. He imagined how Carlisle and Esme would react to his sudden disappearance, would they be angry, sad? Certainly they would be shocked. They would not trust him after this, he had promised them never to disappear again and here he was breaking that promise.

They just did not understand, his place in the world was not with them, it was nowhere. If he left now he would disappear from society for good, never returning to his family, eventually petrifying after thousands of years of nothing. He thought of the joyful looks on their faces when he went on stage to receive his diploma at his Wilson Academy graduation, they were so happy that day, not so much that he graduated. It was a sign that they finally had their son back, for years they lived thinking they would never see him again. Edward thought of the beautiful landscaped garden he and Esme had spent so much time working on over the spring, they had finally begun to build a real relationship then. Did he really want to ruin all that?

"Are you coming on lad?" said a scruffy older gentleman working on the train.

Edward looked up with a blank expression and then replied, "No."

He stepped off the platform and squeezed past the people in line behind him. Edward fled from the station, thinking of how inconsiderate he had been to think of vanishing; he owed Carlisle and Esme for the long years he had been a horrible son to them; not showing up at their wedding, blaming Esme for his declining relationship with Carlisle that he himself was responsible for and the happiness they could have experienced during their first few years as mates.

He ran on the familiar forest trail in the rain and then along the fence that ran in front of their home. It was dark now and his hair and clothes was drenched from the rain; the moon was hidden behind clouds, Edward was lost in his thoughts the entire time he traveled up the pathway to the porch. It was not until he reached the front door, that he processed why there was a mild burn in his throat. Then he smelled the blood and recognized the scent exactly.

He slammed open the front door and ran at vampire speed towards the library which happened to be where Carlisle kept all of his medical equipment. The bed was placed in the center of the room, Carlisle and Esme were there. Carlisle examined the injured body placed across the medical table, the girl that lay, bloody and battered on it, was Rosalie Hale.

**A/N: Please review, I want to know your thoughts on the last chapter of part 1 of the story!)**

**Also...**

**If anyone wants to listen to the piano composition, that I envisioned Edward to be playing, early in this chapter, here is the YouTube link**

watch?v=VFLF-gh4C2M


	7. (Part 2) First Impressions

**Part 2**

"_Thoughts __are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler.__"_

_-Friedrich Nietzsche_

**Chapter 7-First Impressions**

Edward for the most part, had his vampire father all figured out. He could usually anticipate the decisions he would make in any given situation. There was the odd time however; that he would do something that would force Edward to question everything he thought he knew. Injecting his venom into the neck of the town's most recognizable girl, engaged to the heir of the largest bank in Rochester was one of those odd times.

Rosalie began to writhe in pain and Edward moved to where Esme stood, stroking her matted hair. He gazed at Carlisle in disbelief as he bit her a second time on her arm, trying to spread the venom quicker.

"Carlisle what are you thinking, Rosalie Hale?!"

Carlisle stood upright and looked at him. Then Edward saw the images flash through Carlisle's mind. Rosalie had been violently raped and battered and then left to die in a corridor in the street. It did not take him to long to guess who the perpetrator was.

"I couldn't leave her to die Edward. It was too much of a waste," Carlisle said.

Edward spoke coldly, "people die every day."

"Yes I am aware of that Edward," Carlisle replied.

"And we fully support Carlisle's decision to save her, don't we Edward?" said Esme, moving to stand beside Carlisle who gave her a look of gratitude.

Edward knew that Carlisle had been beginning to fear that he would leave again, and earlier in the evening, Edward was a footstep away from getting on the train and doing just that. Then it struck Edward, Carlisle was motivated to save Rosalie out of the hope that she would bring Edward some sort of interest and companionship in his lonely existence.

Rosalie's piercing scream echoed through the room once again. Carlisle gave a sincere apologetic look and took her hand in his. Edward stared at the scene in annoyance. Of all people for Carlisle to change, Rosalie Hale, the girl whose dreams and goals were full of nothing but being the richest, most admired woman in the world. She despised Edward the whole time they had been at school together due to him being the only male who had ever ignored her manipulative charms.

"But, Rosalie Hale? I've seen her at school; she's the vilest, most insolent-"

"Edward," Esme snapped. "She can hear you."

He marched out of the room in a fit. Of course it was not that he didn't think what happened to her was horrible, but the irony of Carlisle choosing her of all the girls he could have saved, in the hopes that she would be a distraction to Edward could almost be humorous.

Morning came eventually and Edward pretty much avoided the library completely, though their thoughts still flooded his mind. Rosalie's high pitched screams could be heard from a mile away. Esme's motherly side quickly kicked in and she cleaned her up as best as she could, dressing her in one of her own dresses and washing and untangling her golden locks.

Edward was in his room writing in his journal as he usually did every so often. It was Sunday and he didn't think going back to school would be happening any time soon, now that there would be a newborn wanting to kill every passing human outside. Rosalie would probably need something to sustain her when she became a vampire.

Edward went downstairs and passed the library where Carlisle was flipping through the papers. Esme was in the kitchen, putting away the washbowl she had rinsed Rosalie's hair in. Edward got a large canister from the kitchen cabinet and passed her on his way out.

"Going somewhere?" Esme asked.

"I'm going to fill this up, for her," Edward said, motioning to the direction of the library.

Esme smiled contentedly and Edward quickly added, "I just don't want her terrorizing the whole town."

"I know, I know it's just nice of you to be so thoughtful," Esme said innocently, drying off her hands.

Edward exited through the front door, grinding his teeth together at the fact that Carlisle and Esme could even picture him having feelings for Rosalie of all humans. He shoved the container into his bag and made his way through the forest. Once he located a large deer about a mile away, he snapped its neck so fast it barely knew it was being hunted. That was quick even for him. Edward made sure to puncture the carotid artery of the neck so that blood would drain directly into the container, filling it quickly.

Edward made it back to the house, entering through the back and placing the large container in the fridge, something that was not used by his family often. He glanced into the room, Rosalie was no longer writhing in pain, Edward knew from her thoughts that the pain was beginning to fade. She was still struggling to manage it though and her eyes were shut tight, she was trying to focus on managing the transformation.

Last night Carlisle had tried to explain what was happening to her but she was barely paying attention then. Now Carlisle began to explain again and this time Rosalie focused on his words, still in disbelief but listening. Esme sat in a chair next to her, still stroking her hair consolingly.

Edward heard Rosalie's thoughts, she was thinking about what happened to her, how her life was destroyed; she longed for her death but at the same time, resented it because it would mean that Royce had won. Edward had predicted something like this would happen to whoever came too close to him, he knew the type of person Royce was, knew how little he valued the life of anyone other than himself. Seeing the crime through her mind however, made Edward even more disgusted with all those sorry lowlife humans who did this to her.

Edward perched on the armrest of the couch which Carlisle sat on, facing the bed.

"I rang the hospital; I'm granted two weeks absence. We'll see how things go by then," Carlisle said.

"We'll have to leave if anything goes wrong," Edward said. "And if she decides to reject our way of life and go on some mass killing spree, it could possibly result in a visit from the Volturi."

In many cases, creators have been executed along with their newborns because under "Volturi Rule" they are deemed responsible for controlling and teaching any newborns they create to keep the existence of vampires a secret from humans in every way possible. That is why creating vampire children is such a high offence; they cannot be reasoned with to the extent of a fully grown newborn, they cannot maintain their instincts.

"I know," Carlisle replied. "We will teach her what she has to know and if she still does not want to follow our way of life, she is free to go her own way."

Edward was still unconvinced by his calm and reassuring words, but he dropped the topic and went across the hall to his piano. His fingers stroked the keys softly, he was attempting to drown out the thoughts of everyone around him by focusing on music, but it rarely ever worked. His ability forced him to experience the point of view of everyone around him. Sometimes it was overwhelming but it was useful and he could admit that he would not be the same without his power.

Through the music, Edward heard the frantic, dazzled, confused thoughts of Rosalie and in her mind he saw things from a vampire perspective for the very first time. The transformation was over; Edward was in the library instantly. He stood next to Esme by the door. Rosalie's face and thoughts kept changing emotions; as if she did not know what to feel. She got out of the bed at a sudden vampire speed, shocked by her new ability of movement. She was quickly drawn out of her amazement when she processed another presence in the room. She crouched defensively and Carlisle took a step forward, raising his hand as a sign of peace.

"We mean no harm Rosalie. I am Carlisle Cullen, this is Esme my wife and my son Edward; we are vampires as I explained earlier and the pain you felt was your transformation. You have become one of us."

Rosalie was wondering why her throat was omitting a horrible burning sensation. Instinctively, Edward answered her question,

"Your throat is burning because you need to feed," he said.

She glared in his direction, shooting daggers at him with her eyes. She was remembering him as the boy in her class who always ignored her as if she was not worth his time and remembered the way he spat her name out to Carlisle after she was bitten.

Edward held out the metal canister to her innocently and before eyeing it, she ripped it out of his hand and began gulping the blood down. Edward looked at her disgustedly as she crushed the container with her newborn strength and then handed the broken canister back to Edward. Esme spoke next with her sweet and lovely sounding voice,

"Welcome dear, I know everything seems overwhelming right now but you will grow used to it."

Rosalie straightened up from her defensive position, Esme's female presence in the room put her more at ease. Rosalie spoke quickly but calmer now,

"What about my parents, does anyone know what happened to me? They must be sending a search party."

"Yes they would be looking for you right now, but Rosalie, you cannot go out yet, there are things you must know first," Carlisle said.

"What do you mean I cannot leave?!" Rosalie shouted.

"Look in the mirror and see," Edward said impatiently.

She turned her head to the wall beside her to find the full length mirror hanging from the wall between two bookshelves. She moved like a bolt of lightning to face the mirror. Edward heard her vain thoughts as she assessed her new godlike beauty. She stroked her long blonde hair and her smooth perfectly shaped face and pink lips. Then she noticed her eyes, they were a bright crimson, she spun around.

"My eyes," She said in panic as she pointed to them.

"Your eyes are red because you are a newborn vampire. If you drink the blood of animals as we do, after a few months your eyes will become like ours, if you drink the blood of humans, something we are opposed to, they will stay red, with an exception to black when you are thirsty," Carlisle said.

Rosalie replied, "So they will not be permanent if I drink animal blood?"

Carlisle nodded graciously in response. Then suddenly, through the open window, the sun moved out from behind the clouds and the rays filled the library with light. Again Rosalie was amazed by her own beauty as the light radiated like diamonds off of her skin. She looked at everyone else and saw that the sun did this to them to.

"Beautiful," Rosalie murmured to herself examining the glow of her skin.

Carlisle and Esme smiled with newfound pride when she said that. Edward heard in their thoughts that they had already developed a love for Rosalie as their daughter. Edward rolled his eyes at his parents who gawked at the newborn who was currently bathing in her own vanity and at her dazzling appearance. To think that her biggest motivation to drink animal blood instead of human blood was because she did not like having red eyes, was mind boggling to Edward.

"And Carlisle forgot to mention that we are also immortal," Edward said, ruining the moment when she turned her head to him in shock.

"Immortal!? You mean I'll never die?" She asked angrily.

Edward nodded in response, and then she growled at everyone.

"That's impossible," Edward said in response to her thought of whether or not having children was a possibility.

"How, did you know what I was thinking?!" She spat at Edward.

"Because, I can hear everyone's thoughts," He replied.

This managed to anger her even more and caused a furious hiss to come from her lips and she sprung straight at Edward.

He dodged out of the way before she could grab hold of him and snuck up behind her, pinning her from behind in a lock hold. In an instant, Carlisle was helping as she growled and struggled to break free.

"We will let go if you promise not to attack anyone again, agreed?" Carlisle asked.

It pained Edward when he saw in her mind, a sudden flash of what this was reminding her of and he loosened his grip slightly. After a few seconds of stubborn outrage, Rosalie nodded and they let go.

She glared in disgust at Edward for a moment before she turned to Carlisle and Esme and said,

"My throat is still burning, will it ever go away?"

"That is because you need to hunt. The thirst will be more manageable once you get more blood in your system," Carlisle replied.

"Hunt?" Rosalie said with disgust at the thought of wrestling with wild animals.

"We will teach you how," He said.

"Alright then, let's go," she said with impatience, before she burst out the door at her extreme newborn speed. Edward was the only one -being the fastest of them all- to even attempt to keep up with her.

"Rosalie, wait," Edward called as she ran through the woods, getting a kick out of her new found speed and stamina.

She scowled at the sound of Edward calling her and spat back,

"Why don't you keep up?!"

Edward could already sense that they were not getting off to a good start. What would result from two conflicting personalities being so spontaneously thrown together? Edward could only guess. She had been inserted into the family only a few nights ago and already the two had established their annoyance with each other. Obviously this new "companion" Carlisle had so deliberately made into a vampire was not interacting with Edward or vice-versa, the way he had planned.


	8. Vengeance

**Chapter 8- Vengeance**

Edward swiftly sank his razor-sharp teeth into the neck of a mountain lion one early July morning. He drained the blood and tossed the creature away. Then he looked around for Rosalie; hearing her thoughts coming from the eastern part of the forest. In a second, he caught up to her and viewed her through the trees that led down the hill. She stood in front of a fresh water spring in the valley between the forested mountains.

Her hair was swept to one side and flowed over her shoulder like a golden wave. Her eyes were beginning to turn a vermilion shade of red and orange. She stared at her reflection in the crystal blue water and Edward emerged from the trees, moving closer towards her.

_Could you at least pretend like you are not spying on me, like a creep? Just admit already that you can't take your eyes off me_, Edward heard Rosalie comment.

"You're one to talk, and I was checking to see that you weren't hunting down a pair of innocent hikers like last time. Anyways, we should head back now, unless of course you would rather stare at yourself some more," Edward replied.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and shot back mentally, _"Yes I'm sure you cannot wait to sit in your room and sulk in your diary some more about how your life is so depressing."_

Edward ignored the comment and instead, recalled his conversation with Carlisle from months ago. He been avoiding Rosalie and his parents like the sun in a crowded city square, during her first week as a newborn. It was only a matter of time before Carlisle noticed him deliberately wandering off as far as he could get and confronted him about it.

"Give her a chance Edward, you never know, you might end up liking each other," He had said.

"I highly doubt that," Edward replied, leaving out that the horrible grief radiating off her thoughts, combined with her unbearable personality was ripping his sanity apart every time he came near her.

"She really is a lovely girl and is getting along especially well with Esme," Carlisle said. Edward heard him add in his thoughts; _she could be a daughter, someone for Edward. _

Those last few words sliced through Edward's patience like a knife. How could Carlisle be so unusually selfish as to damn a girl to this life, all because he suddenly felt like playing matchmaker?

Edward had limited options in this situation. He had already established that he would not be leaving again. And even if he did attempt to warm up his cold stone heart to Rosalie, he was still the only one who actually knew how much she resented her stolen human life. She was also superficial and vain, everything Edward despised. If they did become what both Carlisle and Esme wished, he could not think of a more miserable way to spend his eternity. His other option was to not embrace Rosalie as a mate, which would ultimately add a new and pessimistic, unpleasant Cullen to their already masochist family. But then again, Rosalie was better at hiding her unhappiness than Edward was. Maybe she would be the dream child his parents always wished for.

"I despise being around Rosalie and she feels the same way about me," Edward replied coldly.

_How could he still be so upset with this? I hope that he can somehow bring himself to accept Rosalie into the family and make the best from this opportunity and not run off again. Can he not truly understand how important his approval is for all of us?_

So Carlisle really thought that low of him now? Obviously Edward was not the perfect son he had hoped for, but it still hurt to think that Carlisle had just unconsciously assumed Edward would throw another one of his unpredictable tantrums and storm off. That he would be so spiteful as to reject Rosalie's presence entirely.

So if there was no way out of the predicament, Edward would have to choose the last option he had and at least try being civil to Rosalie for Carlisle and Esme.

Now Edward was hunting with her, a duty he had so reluctantly taken on when Carlisle went back to work. Esme came every so often but buying into Carlisle's annoying complex that Edward and Rosalie would spontaneously fall in love, she constantly made up excuses that would result in them going alone.

They now traveled in the woods; Rosalie came to a halt when she picked up the metallic odor of blood coming from small group of campers near them. Edward had taken her hunting in areas closer to human activity purposely, to strengthen her control. He sensed that she was concentrating fully on battling her instincts and he stood close behind her.

In a few seconds, Edward heard through her thoughts that she was gaining control again and impatiently reached for her arm to lead her away from the scent. Little to his knowledge, he had intervened too early and found himself being flung across the forest floor by strength that only a newborn vampire could have. He landed hard behind a bush, denting a tree, his lower leg twisting in an unnatural position. After shouting a handful of derogatory terms, he struggled to get up on his good leg. Rosalie quickly joined him,

"How many times do I have to tell you not to touch me while my protective shield is up," she lectured, pulling him to his feet.

Edward could feel the venom painfully realigning and repairing his broken leg muscles. He hissed at the acidic, burning sensation and replied,

"Well excuse me for thinking you had gotten over the savagely, violent newborn phase."

They were walking now; Edward was limping on one leg, annoyed by his movement restriction. As they walked Rosalie asked,

"What does Carlisle mean when he said that you were gone for some time?"

"Years ago I had decided that I would kill any human I saw fit, mostly including criminals, thieves, murderer, or rapists. One day I just got up and walked out on them, along with their lifestyle," Edward replied.

_But you came back? _

"It was difficult for me to continue living the solitary lifestyle I was living. And killing was harder for me because I could read my victim's thoughts. After years of not knowing if they would see me again Carlise and Esme accepted me back with open arms."

Rosalie's mind went in another direction, it revealed a part of her thoughts that she was veiling from him. How she had learned the loopholes around his mind reading, he did not know. All he could read was that she was taking his words into strong consideration and he could tell that she was dwelling on the fact that Edward had avenged the innocent victims by killing the perpetrators.

Her thoughts flashed again to that night before her transformation, she often thought about it. Edward knew she was secretly haunted by the memories; she desperately missed her family and resented her vampire life. Rosalie, already accustomed to getting everything she wanted, felt a strong entitlement to the perfect human life she had aspired towards. It came as a shock to Edward when he observed her strongest hatred was for her own situation she was born into. She resented her own beauty and viewed it as the terrible force that caused everything bad to happen to her. Once Edward had found the mirror above her vanity, smashed to pieces and scattered about in the small spare bedroom she stayed in. When Esme had asked about it, she had made up the excuse that she was still getting used to her newborn strength.

Rosalie knew that Edward could read her thoughts, which was part of the reason she resented him so much, she felt invaded, having spent her whole life never exposing too many of her emotions. Accepting herself as the gold trophy that would be married off to the finest suitor in Rochester, so that both she and her family would acquire the life and inheritance they wanted. Now, not only was he gazing into her mind, he had her deepest darkest thoughts engraved into his own and this certainly felt like an invasion to her.

She often thought of how her life would have turned out if her parents had not use her as the pawn in their social-climbing game. She secretly longed for a life similar to her old friend Vera's, who was a more average looking girl, married to a simple carpenter and had a small child named Henry, who'd reinforced her desire to have children of her own.

* * *

"Will you please stop laughing out loud while you read, like an idiot." Rosalie sneered from her side of the room.

"Well what else can I do for entertainment around here, your already taking over _my_ piano," Edward replied, closing the novel and placing it back on the wooden shelf.

To Edward's inconvenience, Rosalie had taken a liking to playing piano even more now than when she was human. They were in the parlor and it was now almost evening. Edward's head popped up and he heard Carlisle and Esme's giddy thoughts and their laughter as they headed back from town. They seemed extra joyful today as they walked hand in hand, which was annoying considering how much the opposite Edward and Rosalie felt.

Rosalie stopped playing piano as they stood in the doorway, Edward knew exactly what they both had on their minds.

"We have come to tell the two of you that we've found a new home in Northern Tennessee. We will be packing up and moving shortly. But there are still arrangements to be made before then. None of us have ever lived there before so it will be an insightful new experience," Carlisle said.

Rosalie's eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly before she quickly composed herself and asked, hiding her suspicious surprise, "when will we be leaving?"

"A month from now, August eighth to be specific," Carlisle replied.

_Hopefully earlier, I'm not sure how we will distract her from going after Royce and his group for a whole month. _Edward heard in Carlisle's thoughts that were directed towards him, _please be sure to warn me if Rosalie makes any quick decisions to head to town and kill the group of humans that caused this Edward. We can't let her take that kind of risk.__  
_

So this was why they were leaving New York early. It was true that Rosalie had already been forming plans for avenging her "death", but Edward was unaware that Carlisle and Esme already suspected that it would not be long before she would demand her retribution.

Edward nodded at Carlisle's mental request, promising to prevent her from trying anything. Carlise and Esme soon exited the room, leaving them standing there alone.

Rose turned her head and gazed at Edward knowingly for a long moment before she turned and walked away, the sharp clicking of her high heels on the floor sounded ominous as she went out the doorway. Edward did not need his mind reading ability to know exactly what she had her mind at that moment.

**A/N: There will be lot's of action coming up in the next couple chapters. I'll be sure to update soon.**


	9. Withdrawal Symptoms

**A/N: Hi everyone, I know I have not updated in a while but I'm back with a new chapter of Desire of the Soul. R&R please, tell me what you think.**

**Chapter 9- Withdrawal Symptoms**

_I will not be going anywhere until I see my beloved fiancé one last time._

This was what Rosalie had thought when plans of relocating to Tennessee sprung up. Edward had considered revealing her plans to try and put a stop to them, but for some reason could not quite bring himself to do that just yet. They would all be leaving Rochester soon, would it really hurt if she had her revenge once and for all? As much as Rosalie got under his stone hard skin, he couldn't help but understand where she was coming from. After all, he would be a complete hypocrite if he disapproved of her plan to kill these wicked men who had committed such horrible crimes, when he would have slaughtered them all in a heartbeat only a mere year and a half ago.

On a less vengeful note, Rosalie's constant thoughts of never seeing her family again were unbelievably overbearing to hear day in and day out. Like Esme, she also had a deep seeded sorrow at the knowledge that she would never be a mother, never grow old and watch her grandchildren take their first steps and all this was due to the sadistic monster who took that from her, who also happened to be her ex-fiancé. No comfort or reassurance from Esme or Carlisle would lead her astray from the path of destruction she was planning for Royce and his fellow fiends. Besides, it wasn't his responsibility to stop her from killing them, it was Carlisle's. He should be the one to deal with the consequences of his new daughter.

It had been a full week since plans of the move was announced and Carlisle and Esme were doing their very best to distract Rosalie. Shopping trips, hunting trips, chess games, odd jobs around the house and in town or in the garden. It was all so obvious this was a part of the plan to make a quick, smooth move and be out of New York for good.

One particular cool summer night, Edward already suspected almost instinctively Carlisle and Esme's "affection" quickly beginning to take form and he got up to clear his mind of the sickening thought's coming from their room. It was times like these that vampire hearing, matched with mind reading was a complete pest to have to deal with. Rose was sitting in a living room chair by the front door reading a book, her hair was flowing down her back along with her pale mocha chiffon dress with expensive pleaded detailing and a satin matching band around her torso.

_Going somewhere? _She asked glancing up with her piercing vermilion irises.

"Anywhere but here where I can have the joy of listening to Carlisle and Esme be intimate with each other."

She looked questioningly at him and then it processed in her brain what he was talking about. Edward ran out into the night and Rosalie decided it would be best if she did the same, before she risked regretting not doing so. They ran through the dark but could see perfectly fine with their enhanced vision. Edward stopped when he was out of range from the house.

"Where should we go?" Edward asked.

_Into town maybe?_ Rosalie offered.

"Right so you can go slaughter everyone within the mile," Edward shot back.

"No, I'm well under control," Rosalie replied. "I'm going to, enjoy the scenery."

She ran all the way through the city, staying in the shadows of the sleepy part of Rochester. Edward was not exactly sure from her thoughts where she was going as she slowed to a walk when she came to a wide paved trail along the Durand beach, taking them through the woods. She switched sidewalks and ended up in front of a massive park that was, judging by the minimal human activity, closed until morning. The big sign marked Sea-breeze Pier, it was a popular source of summer attraction in the area partly because it docked along the silver coast of the massive freshwater lake. Rose effortlessly climbed up the tall white gate, gliding towards the long painted dock along a line of fancy, expensive sailing vessels.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked, already aware of what she had in mind.

"Borrowing a yacht," she replied walking on to the platform of a sleek, elegant private cruiser. She broke the chain with one swift motion of her wrist and gracefully and stepped in.

"Are you crazy, you can't just steal a boat Rosalie? And how do you plan on doing that anyway, do you even know how to sail?" Edward questioned.

"I can do whatever I want now, besides I'm just borrowing don't be such a baby. And yes I know how to sail a boat." She snapped back, as her thoughts flashed to early memories with her brothers on their own luxurious yacht during windy, summer days on this same lake.

Breaking more sturdy locks and pulling a few screws in the control part of the cruiser, she revved the engine a few times before it started up, to Edward's surprise. He stepped on grudgingly as she steered from the dock and the land became further away. They made it far out into the calm but large lake and shut off the engine of the medium-sized boating vessel mid sail, until it was gently being rocked by the current.

The full moon shone above the lake and shimmered from the dark crystal water. Far in the distance ahead was the other side of the city, it was still lit up and full of energy despite the midnight hour.

"_Better than wandering though the forest,"_ Rosalie thought, getting up and leaning against the railing.

Edward shrugged in response.

"You really don't like admitting when I'm right, do you? It _is_ better out here," She said annoyed by his stubbornness.

"I'm going for a swim," he chuckled at her irritation.

Now it was Rosalie's turn to be stubborn, "There is no way I'm getting in that water." She said, repulsed at the thought of getting her hair and clothes wet.

"Suit yourself," Edward replied, sliding out of his shoes and sweater as he gracefully dove into the water. He saw perfectly under the lake not bothering to come up for air. He swam underneath the boat to get to the other side.

Slickly, rising out of the water he saw that she was still leaning over the opposite railing, wondering where he had gone and then he remembered that he had forgotten to tell her that vampire's did not need to come up for air. She was most likely baffled by his disappearance. This was the perfect opportunity when Edward sneaked up behind her as quick as a bolt and she found herself landing with a splash into the quiet lake below.

She shrieked with rage as she popped her head out of the water. She was completely soaked now; Edward gawked at her reaction more than anything. She swam over to him at vampire speed and he expertly dodged her failed swipes of revenge. She gave up trying to get back at him and climbed to sit on the edge of the yacht, grinding her teeth together resembling an annoyed wet cat. Edward smirked even harder and said,

"Come on Rose your reaction was pretty funny."

"I'm sure it was hilarious," she replied bitterly as she smoothed out her darkened wet hair and wrung out the end of her dress.

"Come on, now we're even, you break my leg I push you into the lake. You're just going to sit there?" Edward asked, still amused.

She nodded sharply, staring past him into the night sky. It was long past midnight now and a hint of the sun's lovely glow peaked in the distance.

"How were you down there for so long?" She asked.

"I can go without breathing for an indefinite length of time,"

"Can all vampires do that?" She asked.

Edward nodded and then climbed back on the boat and through the narrow door into the sheltered part of the yacht. Edward stepped inside, seeing that pictures of important people and prize fishing medals were hung up around the little cabin.

"We are really going to tick some wealthy big shots off when they find out someone was occupying their precious yacht," Edward said absent-mindedly.

Rosalie was flipping through channels on the wooden radio, "Humans are unobservant, they won't even have a clue," She replied.

Edward climbed back on the deck and stared again at the lively city facing them once again. Rosalie came up the stairs and looked at the beautiful scenery.

_I'm really going to miss this place, _she sighed to herself, the feeling of loss falling upon her once again as she thought about how her family might be managing. She quickly hid her sadness and strolled to lounge on the chair by the steering wheel.

Edward thought it best not to comment on her thoughts and Rosalie eyed him speculatively, she was masking her mind again.

"Surely it is a strenuous gift, mind reading," She said.

"Yes it is," Edward replied.

"It must put you at an inconvenience, knowing things others don't?" She continued, hiding the meaning behind her words.

"I would say more of an advantage. It is quite comforting, being assured that I am not being deceived, when those around me are." Edward replied catching her drift.

"It's good we have the month to take care of everything before we leave. Securing the means to move so quickly must be complicated."

"Yes, Carlisle has to do his best to make up a good excuse, especially after the big news of your death. We wouldn't want any suspicion to arise that could expose us," Edward replied.

Rosalie's eyes narrowed and she said, "Well if you are not being deceived, you would know what I have yet to take care of before we leave."

Edward paused, "Of course I know. I also am aware that your intentions are not bring any trouble for our family and certainly not to lose control and drink anyone's blood. Due to these matters being of high importance to you, you want me to ensure that none of these slip ups happen, so that you can freely have your revenge on Royce without the fear that you will end up drinking the entire town's blood."

_Damn it, so he has listened, he's too observant for his own good, she_ thought before Edward asked.

"You do know the position that helping you puts me in?" Edward asked.

"Of course I know,"_ but then again it's not like you haven't betrayed Carlisle or Esme's trust before_. Rosalie said which agitated Edward.

He grinded his teeth again, who was she to remind him of his past that she knew nothing of?

"Why should I even help you, I am not benefitting from this in any way?" He reminded her.

She raised a dark blonde eyebrow at him, "really? Last time I checked, you sought revenge _for_ the victim. Didn't you say yourself that you could almost feel their pain by reading their minds?"

Unbelievable, again bringing up the past, that was the last time he ever told her anything, he thought as he nearly growled back,

"Well I find it rather difficult to compare those victims' minds to the likes of your petty, distasteful one. And I don't sympathize with those who can barely see past their own upturned noses to realize that their own goals and desires, are just plain petulant. But I guess it's only the nature of a spoiled self-indulgent girl such as you."

Edward slightly regretted saying those words based on the _almost_ hurt mental reaction she had, which was well covered up when she snapped back,

"You know, there's a reason why I loathed you so much in school," she said her eyes like daggers. "It was not because you gave no interest in me or anyone else for that matter, it was because you acted like you did not even bother to look past what you saw and heard. Instead you formed your own opinions straight away and to this day you have stood by your assumptions. I see you Edward, you nonchalantly brush away everything that could possibly contradict your prejudices and sure, I might be overly consumed by material beauty and don't always approve of many things, but you are just as judgmental. Eventually you'll wake up to the fact that you cannot know everything about a person just because you have an ability to know more about them than most people and the sooner you realize you are no less flawed than anyone else, the better it will be for everyone."

Edward pushed aside her words but could not help but process the uncharacteristic genuineness behind them. Rosalie stormed away and neither of them spoke as she steered the boat back to shore. He had lied when he said that he did not sympathize with her, truly he felt her ache for the satisfaction of Royce being gone forever, but would he really go so far as to assist her in carrying through with the crime?

To think that he had come a heartbeat away from ripping Royce's head from his body that one evening on the beach, when their thoughts had tested his patience He controlled himself specifically because he had committed to following the non-murderous lifestyle; there was no place for killing in his existence anymore. But this was not just a matter of helping Rosalie get revenge on her ex-fiancé; this was now a matter of choosing between his convictions and desires. All that counted in the end was how this betrayal would affect his family, specifically Carlisle who he would have to deceive to help her but more importantly, how this whole ordeal would affect him.


	10. Treacherous Flame

**A/N: I'm back with this darker, gorier chapter of "Desire of the Soul". Sorry if violence offends anyone, I made sure to keep it within a T rating. ****R&R**

**Chapter 10- Treacherous Flame**

Edward walked slowly through the foggy street, even by human standards. Dirty black water dripped from pipes of apartment buildings, making ugly dark puddles on the sidewalk. The sun was hidden behind the clouds today, matching the weary faces of the New Yorkers. Smog formed above the city while the world whirled silently in space.

This particular end of New York was an unusual area for Edward to be in, but he felt too compelled to inspect the crimes that had occurred the night prior for himself. Two of them had been together, hanging around a night club their laughter cut short. Edward supposed he should feel somewhat responsible for their deaths; he had after all known exactly what Rosalie was sneaking off to do. Rosalie had begun her demise nights after they had exchanged such harsh words to each other on the lake. They had not spoken since; it was easier for both of them that way.

In the hollow of the night, she murdered every one of the demons in the darkness of the street on that horrific last night of her life. She did not want to risk losing control so she spared them a long and painful death, snapping their necks like meaningless creatures. She had hunted down the demons that appeared in her darkest thoughts, every demon except for Royce King.

Rosalie could not wait too long to make him pay for his wrongdoings. She risked the possibility of losing her chance, Carlisle or Esme reading about the murders in the paper, leaving New York early, Royce thinking he would be next and leaving the area himself. She had no more room for risks. This was something Rosalie had to do before she could move on with her endless existence.

* * *

Edward did not bother to look up when he heard a gentle knock at his door as he sat up on his bed, staring blankly at the wall.

"Come in," Edward murmured.

Esme poked her head in; her auburn hair was pinned back underneath a deep blue felt tilted hat. She had on a coat.

"I'm going out for a while Edward. Are you and Rose going to be alright here together, do you need anything?" she asked.

Perhaps a new ability that would not force him to burden other people's memories, a method of satisfying his appetite that did not include being a bloodsucking monster; or that Rosalie was not a selfish and moody girl that he was automatically supposed to like; that he could finally get over his inescapable self hatred and his bitterness of being damned to the "life" he was currently living, would all be appropriate answers to that question. Instead he shrugged and replied that he was fine.

Esme shut the door behind her and he heard her call a quick goodbye to Rose on her way out, there was no response from Rosalie; it seemed that she was not in the house. Edward got up, walking outside to the back of the house; Rose was in the garden on the gazebo, sitting on the antique bench. She was dazzling in the sunset, gazing out at the colorful sky. The glow of the atmosphere was not all that added to her appearance, she had on makeup that enhanced the structure of her face and her hair was curled into ringlets, perfectly positioned elegantly on her head, hanging gracefully from it was a medium length bridal headpiece, shortened for practicality. Her dress was a flowing white, lace wedding gown. It draped down her frame perfectly, exposing her goddess-like figure.

As soon as Esme had been gone for a good length of time, Rosalie rose from the bench, floating down the stairs of the garden past him. It seemed that she no longer cared about being discovered; killing the other four men had given her the confidence she needed. She would murder her fiancé with or without Edward being there to keep an eye on her control.

Still Edward turned on his heel and stood in her path, he looked at her pleading with his eyes to reconsider.

"Get out of my way Edward, you have no right to judge me," she said.

"You will regret this Rose, maybe not now, but in fifty years, one hundred you will-"

"This is not about you Edward Cullen," she snarled. "These men took my life! He _stole_ every chance of happiness I ever hoped to have! I will not have you and your hollow sense of superiority, pretend to understand anything about me!"

She was right, it was not about him and as much as it felt otherwise, Rosalie's memories were hers to deal with. As she brushed past him, leaving him standing in the garden he turned and gazed in the direction she had gone. He waited until she was far away enough and then followed in the night, not letting her be aware of his presence. Like she would have noticed anyways, her thoughts were completely focused on the act she intended to commit.

She came upon Riverbourne Avenue, a particularly wealthy part of the area. This was where Royce lived, along with countless servants and maintenance personnel who stayed in the small separate houses further down the hill of his property. Edward was a block away from the home but he heard her movements and saw the surroundings through her own eyes clearly. She did not bother trying to be quiet by picking the lock. She instead slammed open the door, breaking through it effortlessly.

Edward began walking closer to the Victorian mansion and onto the perfectly landscaped front yard. Two cobbled pathways ran around a large prestigious stone fountain. Edward leaned against the edge, surely Rosalie was aware now of his presence but no longer cared, she would not be distracted from her task by Edward of all people.

Obviously Royce wasted no time in hiring armed guards when news of the mysterious deaths of his friends had been announced. They had been blockading his bedroom door when hearing the noise of the front doorway and they came running down the winding steps to investigate. They slowed hesitantly at the presence of the elegant young bride standing there as opposed to the monster they had in mind.

Before even making an effort to stop her, Rosalie had finished with them the way she had done with all the others, swiftly and mercilessly. Hearing the loading of a shotgun from the master bedroom, Rose made her way up the stairs and turned into the long hallway of his room. She slammed both doors open so hard they broke off the hinges, denting the walls. Inside she found an uncharacteristically fearful Royce King. He was beside himself with the worry in his empty soul, that he may be the next of his friends to be slaughtered by this phantom. His eyes grew wide when he got a view of the snow white angel in the entrance of his room.

"Rose?" he gasped thinking he was dreaming. "Rose dear, I wasn't expecting you…"

"You weren't expecting me to still be alive? Well you assumed correctly, I am not alive, you killed me," Rose said, emotion rising from her throat.

The sound of the single bullet from his shotgun bouncing off of the fabric of Rosalie's dress made Royce fall to his knees in defeat and disbelief of what he had just seen. There was a long pause after that, he knew in that moment that he was finished.

"Did you not hear me when I said that you have already killed me Royce, there is no chance for you to murder me again with the use of mere firearms," Rosalie spat.

"I-I love you Rosalie," was his final plea, a deceitful lie.

"It is too late for that!" she shouted in her now murderous state.

Of course she was not going to let him die quickly, but she still made an effort not to spill any large amount of blood. Edward heard his exasperated shouts as she killed him slowly. Manipulating him; letting him crawl to the door in the hopes of escaping before dragging him back for more of his torturous death.

The minutes ticked by and Edward suddenly smelled the blood, a large amount of blood. His torso had been sliced on a sheet of broken glass when she sent him flying against the full length mirror. Edward sensed her goal changing; now she focused solely on the delicious scent of the blood. In a second, Edward was at the scene restraining her as she fought against his hold to get to the blood. Royce managed to limp on the leg that was not broken, stumbling out of the room desperately, for the slightest instant he glanced back in bafflement, when he recognized Edward's face.

Rosalie continued to thrash about in Edward's concealing grip, breaking his nose with one strike of her shoulder. She caught hold of her control again when she heard Edward's yelp of pain from the blow. He let her go and straightened it out before it could heal crookedly, eyeing her warily. Rosalie looked to Edward for a second, thrown aback by his sudden presence, then caught up with Royce before he could make it to the telephone. She grabbed him and looked him in his piercing black eye. He stared straight back at her with the same patronizing gaze of untouchable nonpareil he had manipulated his victims with his entire life. Then his neck twisted under her iron grip and his expression went flat with an aristocratic stare.

She let him loose from her grip, his body falling limply to the floor. From where Edward moved carefully down the staircase, he saw her hover to the kitchen. She retrieved a metal container full of what Edward recognized as flammable liquid, even as he walked down the porch steps, he heard her drenched the good majority of the main floor. She moved outside and rummaged through the shed, heaving loads of gunpowder from it and within a second had the bags tossed around the top floor of the house.

Then she was standing at the front door, looking over the death and destruction she had brought, still not matching the destruction he had brought upon her and all the other souls he had no doubt destroyed. She bitterly tossed the match she had retrieved from the cabinet, upon the oil drenched roses that rested atop the wooden stand beside the staircase. Instantly the flowers crinkled from a lustrous red to a harsh and resentful black.

Rosalie left as the mansion rapidly burned and hovered down the stairs, emotionless. Like the rose-colored petals, she had turned bitter as her heart sizzled into charcoal in a matter of seconds.

Edward was by the iron front gate, she eyed him as she moved closer toward his direction.

"Why did you come? You think what I did was wrong," she said.

They were interrupted by the erupting boom of an explosion coming from the mansion as the fire reached the gunpowder. Shrapnel flew and a part of the roof crumbled into the upper floor as the flames violently combusted. Smoke rose high from the house, it was clear by the sounds of awoken neighbors and servants coming from houses lower down the hill, that it was their cue to leave.

"Come on Rose, we can't be found here," he said nudging at her shoulder. She stood frozen in place,

"Rose?" he said as she stared blankly at the magnificent sight.

All the evidence was disintegrating into ash, along with Royce's empty shell of a body. Edward looked at her face questioningly; she did not seem to hear him calling her name; all she could think about was her life that had been shattered. She had done what she had longed to do, but after all was said and done, what now did she have to live for? The flames hypnotized her mind, drawing her in, awaiting her death, that was all she longed for now. She began to move closer and closer back to the house.

"Rosalie," Edward called to her once again; she still did not hear him.

The humans were getting closer to the house now, their thoughts panicked at the sight of the crumbling King mansion. Before she knew it, she was being steered lifelessly out of the gate and led through the shadows, further and further away from the destroyed house. Edward steered her down the dark lane and through the trees, where they came upon a familiar empty shore. Rosalie walked ahead of him closer to the waves, for the slightest instant, Edward thought that she would do something stupid like try and drown herself, but she just sank down against a large boulder that rested by the trees in front of the rough waves. Her beautiful white gown was now tattered and stained, but for once she almost did not seem to care about her appearance.

Edward strode to where she sat, resting beside her facing the shore, his head leaning on the boulder as he stared straight ahead at the lake. The moon was low in the sky now, morning would be coming soon. They sat for a few minutes, doing nothing but look out at the water, the city lights across the lake looked so hazy and dim from where they were.

_Why did you come here to witness this? Carlisle insisted that I shouldn't and I thought you disapproved as well. _

Edward was unsure of how to respond. Should he tell her the truth? That he empathized with her torment; that he agreed that Royce and his cohorts should all have the pain they had inflicted on her, tenfold? Instead he replied,

"I came to make sure you did not expose us, or our kind."

She still looked at him as if she was waiting for a more thorough response. Edward continued while slowly adding,

"And, because I know what he has done, what he is capable of doing. Not just to you but to anyone he pleases, he has killed before," Edward said, his mind flickering back to that night on the beach when he had come close to losing control. "You were not the only girl he brutalized and would not have been the last if they had lived" He added softly, her face breaking at these words when she realized what her future with this man would have been like, had she not be walking alone down the dark street that horrible night.

_I convinced myself to love an utter monster, how delusional I had been. It seems quite ironic that now _I'm_ the inhuman monster, _she thought.

"No, Rosalie," Edward said, placing a hand on hers, her head bowed in shame and grief, noticing the unlikely comfort she got from Edward's touch. "Don't blame yourself for this. He was a monster before you met him."

_And now I'm as inhuman as he; not alive, not dead. I'm forced to carry on through an infinite existence sustained by blood._ Her head perked up just then, her expression curious. _That is how we die isn't it; by fire and that is why you stopped me from going back into the mansion._

Edward's silence answered the question

_ You shouldn't have bothered; I would have ended this once and for all._

His eyes widened at the thought, "Rosalie, you shouldn't say things like that-"

_Why, it would be of no loss to anyone if I died. You cannot know the longing I feel for it, there would be no more pain… far more ideal than this personal hell of self pity and regret._

Edward shut his eyes tightly; no longer able to look at her as old feelings crept back into him, filling his hollow soul. As much as she failed to acknowledge it, she _would_ be a great loss to Carlisle and Esme… to him perhaps. Her discontentment at becoming immortal mirrored his own internal turmoil, and so he found himself relating to a fair number of her longings, for Edward knew of the personal hell she spoke of. He knew what it was like to want it all to end.

He felt her nudge him lightly and his eyes snapped back open.

_Are you pretending to be dead now? Or have you forgotten you cannot sleep?_

Edward was startled by the laugh that escaped his throat, strange he had almost forgotten he had the ability to make the sound. Her natural sarcasm discharged the tension, allowing release from the strange emotions that surged through him.

The person he had been destined to hate from the beginning was now sharing a part of her broken self. He was not sure if the night's events, or the fact that she seemed less superficial, less vain, had triggered this sudden connection between them, leaving him completely befuddled.

"Rosalie-" he tried to sway her from her death wish, tried to persuade her into accepting her existence but he was cut off with a knowing look.

She knew what he would say already, but had apparently finished with the topic. She looked at him, her voice unusually genuine sounding.

"I'm glad you are here, that I'm not alone right now."

Edward could only nod in response at the meaning behind her words, as his eyes retreated to the faint glow in the distance of the lake. Rosalie was silently thanking him for saving her from her own misery, for saving her from Royce in a way that neither of them could have imagined. For that she was grateful.

**A/N: So Royce King finally got what he deserved, but we still have yet to find how this could potentially backfire on the Cullen's and how this will change Edward and Rosalie's view of each other. Predictions/suggestions are appreciated! **


	11. Loud Silence, Burning Words

**Chapter 11- Loud Silence, Burning Words**

Eventually they had to get up and leave before Carlisle and Esme became suspicious, or found out about all the murders before they could explain. They remained close, still drawn towards each other as they passed the King property. From where they were, they could see the smoke still rising into the dark sky; hear a small crowd gathering around the house along with reporters and police. There would be little way for them to trace the murders back to Cullens. Maybe a few of the superstitious folks in the area would raise a stir but Edward expected it to die down in time.

Rosalie was still gazing into the distance of the burning building, she was accepting this as her last connection with her old human life.

"Let's go," she said walking away, deep into the shadows of the street. She couldn't let anyone see her here, especially in an attention grabbing wedding gown.

They eventually made it to a familiar forest on the outskirts of town and could travel freely. On the way, Rosalie had something on her mind,

_Do you think we will have to leave earlier now?_

"Most likely, the police will be doing a full inspection. There is no room for the risk of any accusations being brought against us."

Rosalie nodded, but there was something else she had thought about ever since she had become a vampire,

_Edward, you can read Carlisle's mind. Don't you know why he decided to turn me into a vampire? He sees dying patients on a daily basis but for some reason he chose to save me._

Edward inhaled, how was he supposed to answer that question properly without lying. Should he really tell her that his real motivations were for her to be with Edward?

"He said that what had been done to you was so dreadful, he couldn't bear to leave you to die," Edward replied.

_I know there is more than that. _

"Well, before you were found, I began to become very withdrawn from Carlisle and Esme again and the two of them started to become anxious that I would leave them for the second time. Carlisle was desperate to try to give me something to live for again so when he saw you, he thought subconsciously that perhaps…" Edward trailed off not sure of how to say the words.

Rosalie stopped in her tracks coming to a dreadful realization, "Are you saying! I was only intended to be what Esme is to Carlisle, which is why I was saved? And you knew! All along you only tolerated me to make Carlisle and Esme happy."

"Well at least I _did_ tolerate you! I had no choice in this you know. And guess what, I told Carlisle NOT to save you, so don't blame me for your own misery, this is not my fault."

"I wish he hadn't saved me, because then I wouldn't be forced to spend all eternity with the likes of you, you self-hating, worthless jerk!"

"And do you think I like this situation any better? I was just adjusting to my life before you came along, bringing all you narcissistic drama with you," Edward shot back.

"Narcissistic drama, is that what you think of what happened to me?" She said in unbelief. "I can't believe for a second I actually thought that you cared enough to…Uhhh! Just stay away from me Edward!" And with that she was running away in another direction farther and farther away from earshot.

He growled as he threw a strike at a nearby tree, scaring all the wildlife away, how could one girl be so infuriating? He was sure that she would eventually return to the house once she cooled off, so he made his way back home. He only now was planning a proper way to explain the night's tale. He had absolutely no idea how his coven leaders would react.

As he made it closer, he could already tell by their thoughts that they had an idea of what he had been up to. He opened the door to see both Carlisle and Esme in the front hallway, facing him. Edward shut the door behind him; the only noise in the room was the ticking of the father clock at the end of the hall. The tension grew as they processed that Rosalie was not with him.

Esme spoke carefully afraid of the news she might hear, "Where is Rosalie?"

He was still a bit on edge from his last encounter with her and replied sharply, "I neither know nor care."

Then Edward moved past them up the stairs to his room where he sat at his desk chair, calming his current irritation with the entire night.

Carlisle followed him warily, Esme stayed downstairs. Carlisle spoke, "Edward I know you two don't exactly get along but there is no need to act like this."

He was in his room leaning against his dresser, not finished inquiring to his whereabouts.

"Four men were murdered yesterday, their necks snapped. I might have taken the news as a mere coincidence if I had not just been informed of the murder on the King property, earlier tonight. The mansion was burned down to the ground; the police confirmed it as arson _and_ homicide Edward. The bodies of Royce King and his two guards recently were retrieved from the burning building, unrecognizable but it is confirmed to be them. However at the hospital, it was found that a good majority of the bones in Royce's body had been broken. Crushed by force that is unnatural for a human."

"It wasn't me Carlisle," Edward told him.

"Who is it then, Edward? Rosalie is a newborn; there is no way she could have left those bodies full of blood."

"Rosalie has a good amount of control for a newborn, but I did make sure that she did not slip up and drink Royce's blood. Blood was not what she was after anyways." Edward said.

"So you knew about these murders?" It was an accusation.

"Are you telling me I should have stopped her? She would not be swayed in her task of revenge Carlisle. She was determined to make them pay."

"Where could she have gone Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Carlisle she-" Edward was interrupted by the sound of the front door slamming downstairs.

They ran down the staircase and turned into the living room where they found Esme staring at Rosalie in shock. She was still wearing the elaborate wedding dress; she had a wild and hysterical look about her. Carlisle was surprised that her eyes were not red and not a drop of blood stained her gown.

"Rosalie, thank goodness you're home," Esme said softly.

"This is not my home! And if I did not make this very clear before, this is NOT my family."

No one but Edward knew why she was so on edge, they assumed it was due to what she did earlier. But she was still bitter about the circumstances in which she ended up with the Cullen's.

Carlisle spoke calmly as always, "Rosalie-"

She hissed at Carlisle, one look in her eyes showed a glare of pure hatred for him.

"Don't even utter my name. You are no better than any of the other scum I slaughtered tonight. Maybe you should go the same way," she spat crouching into a predatory stance, planning her kill.

They were all were aware newborns were dangerous, but an outraged newborn was one thousand times worse. Carlisle backed away slowly; he raised his hands in a non threatening surrender. Suddenly Edward spoke, her head moved away from Carlisle and rested on Edward.

"Don't even think about it Rosalie."

"Give me one reason I shouldn't," she sneered.

Edward stepped forward so he was standing in front of Carlisle and Esme, closer to Rosalie who still looked ready to attack at any moment.

_Edward, please be careful _Esme thought worriedly.

_Son don't_ _put your safety at risk, move away from her, she is not stable right now. _Carlisle mentally said

Edward stood in front of her, an unmoving statue, his eyes narrowed at the angry newborn who stood directly in front of him. For a few torturous seconds, there was no movement in the room, no sound but their unneeded breathing. Rosalie's eyes moved from Carlisle to Edward, she straightened up, her face hardening in defeat and she was halfway through the door when Edward added softly,

"I told you it wouldn't help; you don't have to try to sabotage the entire family as a result of your own personal torment."

She stiffened in the doorway; she knew what he was referring to. She was extremely agitated already; Edward rubbing in the fact that her retribution would do little to ease her own grief was like adding salt to the wound. She replied through her teeth without turning,

"Don't you dare be a hypocrite Edward. It's not like you don't know anything about ripping apart a family."

With that she was gone. They heard her go upstairs to the room she was staying in, she shut the door behind her. Carlisle and Esme turned to Edward.

"Perhaps it is best that we move for Tennessee as soon as possible, after what just happened," Esme said.

"Yes I think that would be best for us. These murders are far too numerous and coincidental to be overlooked by authorities and Rosalie will be extremely recognizable in Rochester. Edward did anyone see either of you tonight?"

"No one saw us, I'm sure of it," Edward replied.

"Good, we will all have to put tonight's events behind us and accept the murders committed."

"Don't tell me you don't think that they deserve it after what those monsters did to her," Edward said to Carlisle.

"You know what it feels like to kill. You yourself knew that murder would not help her yet you let her go after them anyway. And what about the guards Edward, they did not deserve to die just because they were doing their jobs. I expected more from you, son."

"Rosalie Hale is not my problem Carlisle! Don't expect me to care about that _girl _up there just for your sake. Why don't you just admit the real reason you turned her in the first place?"

"Edward she was dying."

"You know full well that is not the truth. You know that the real reason was because you decided to play with a human life for your own selfish motives," Edward sneered as he turned for the door. Grabbing the handle he paused and said with a dark, piercing voice.

"Maybe Rosalie is right, maybe you are no better than those men she killed." With that, Edward was out the door and running through the night, leaving Carlisle and Esme standing in shocked disbelief in the front entrance of their now shattered home.


	12. Broken Pieces

**Chapter 12- Broken Pieces**

The smooth stone made perfect ripples as it skipped along the rushing stream of the moonlit forest. Edward picked up another stone and threw it at the water, it had been an hour since he left, he did not care to go back to face his family again. He did regret what he said to Carlisle too stubborn to take it back.

Now Edward stood at the edge of the creek, the trees surrounding it shaded him from the night sky, in the darkness they looked like shadows swaying in the cool air. Edward saw his all too familiar image in the stream; pale white features, hard squared jaw, soft curve of his lips, the straight line of his nose, the top of his forehead partially obscured by the tangle of rain-darkened bronze hair. He had the same thin lanky, but muscular body of a seventeen year old; wearing loose-cut trousers and a plain collared shirt, covered over by a dark jacket.

From the trees behind him, a figure emerged, Edward could already sense the presence; it was Carlisle. He walked to where Edward mindlessly tossed stones into the river. Edward subconsciously acknowledged his presence but did not turn. Carlisle figured Edward did not care to speak to him of all people now and instead singled out a flat smooth stone on the ground and swerved it across the water; it hopped along five times before plummeting. Edward found another rock and skipped the rock seven times before it sank. Carlisle tried again, successfully hitting nine skips in which Edward stubbornly, competitive by nature beat the total by eleven. Carlisle then threw the stone with skilled force taking a full thirteen skips before the stone fell in the water.

Edward nearly growled with childish frustration that Carlisle won at their little competition. He responded by throwing a hefty rock far into the stream and watched with a look of satisfaction as it caused a loud splash in the water, disrupting the quiet, gentle sounds of stream.

This caused a half-smile to form at Carlisle's lips, "You know Edward, I do have about two centuries more of stone skipping experience, no reason to beat yourself up about the loss," he said lightly.

Edward's lips crookedly smiled for almost a second, but then he changed the subject and said "I heard some of the detectives that were inspecting the crimes in the past two days; the possibility of a serial killer was being considered.

Carlisle dusted off his hands from the rocks and shoved them in his coat pocket as he gazed up at the starlit sky.

"As long as there were no eyewitnesses to the murders, I'm not worried that this will backfire on us."

"Does anything ever concern you?" Edward replied.

Carlisle smiled and then projected a few of his concerns from that morning: how his bone cancer patient was going to react to the amputation he had performed that morning, how the board would replace him if they decided to move again , whether the construction project downtown was going to disrupt the sewage lines and cause a public health hazard…

"Alright I get it, you just always seem so put together is all," Edward said.

_I thought you of all people would know better._

"Well you are obviously a good actor than since you've managed to fool a mind reader," Edward said.

Carlisle laughed then there was silence for a moment until Edward spoke, "That encounter back at the house, I said some things that were wrong of me and it was unfair of me to compare you with those monsters so, I'm sorry." The last words felt odd coming from him but Carlisle seemed to already understand.

_It's alright; I was in the wrong as well,_

"How?" Edward asked.

"It was wrong of me to judge Rosalie's decision to get revenge when I can easily relate to her own situation."

"Do you mean when you and Esme killed Charles?" Edward remembered Esme telling him about it one day.

"Yes. I know the torment you must have felt when you were forced to share Rosalie's pain and memories. I don't resent what you or Rosalie did at all," He said.

Edward nodded, "I think it would do Rosalie good to hear that from you. She seeks your approval as much as she fails to show it."

"I tried to talk to her but she needs time; she completely locked herself up in her room and won't let me in," Carlisle replied.

"That's Rosalie for you," Edward smirked.

* * *

Three days passed and she had still not emerged from her lair of sorrow since the night she slaughtered Royce. Edward, Carlisle and Esme had all at one point pleaded with her to open the door in worry for her own fragile sanity. For Edward, she was impossible to be in mind reading proximity of; her thoughts were agonizingly dreadful as she despaired over her deepest memories and hates.

Edward sat at his piano playing Franz Liszt. It was one of Edward's favorite pieces by the composer because it ranged from simple emotion to technical ferocity. The music was full of color and musical poetry, evoking galleries of mental image and passion.

Carlisle and Esme were in Gatlinburg, preparing everything at the new house, they would be returning in a few hours. The house was so serene that Edward was stunned when Rosalie, being lured down by the melody, appeared and sat beside him on the piano bench. Despite spending three days having a near mental breakdown in her room, she did not look anywhere less than flawless in her bias cut pink dress with a pleated skirt and slight keyhole opening below the neckline. Her hair flowed down her back and shoulders like a silky wave.

"Look who finally decided to come downstairs," Edward said sarcastically his fingers still expertly pressing on the keys.

"This is sonata in B. Minor," Rosalie said recognizing the tune, Edward nodded.

"I played this for senior music class in school," she said.

"I do recall you practicing one time after school, too absorbed with the notes to notice me at the door," Edward replied, remembering his year at Wilson academy when he was tutoring.

Rosalie turned away from the keyboard and stared at him speculatively, "you were there watching me practice?"

"I heard the song and was surprised you could play so well," said Edward.

"I was in piano lessons since I was five; it's what all the 'sophisticated' young girls were expected to do I suppose."

"My mother taught me to play," Edward said distantly.

"Elizabeth? She must have had a lot of patience teaching you of all people," she said.

"I think I got my staunchness from her actually, she was kind but firm and knew how to get people to do what she wanted."

"Is that why she managed to convince Carlisle to save you? You know, I mean turn into a vampire," Rosalie asked.

"Carlisle once said to me that she had an 'unusual' effect on him during those last few moments on her death-bed. She made him feel obligated to do what he did," Edward replied.

They sat in silence for a while longer until the song ended and Edward hit the last note.

"You know, you are hard to figure out," Edward said as he got up and walked to the stairs by the front door.

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently as she followed, he stopped at the bottom of the staircase.

"It's just that your moods change faster than a school of fish. One minute you're throwing punches at me, the next you're watching me play piano and actually talking to me. But there lies the problem, Rosalie. I _can't _hear what you're thinking, unless you want me to. How are you so easily able to block me out? " Edward asked.

_Really Edward, aren't you happy to _not _hear everything that I think__?_

"Not particularly," he replied before realizing what he had said.

_Then I'll have to work on letting you in more often._

Rosalie moved her head forward, never breaking the sudden powerful stare between them as he felt her lips barely brush his own. Then parting her lips slightly, leaned in towards him, yielding to the soft strength of his kiss, which startled him, not because their lips were suddenly locked, it was because he couldn't find the will to pull away.

They separated for a moment, giving Edward the chance to register what was happening. They stared at each other her big eyes locked on his.

"Rosalie, I..." He couldn't find the words to respond to what just happened.

But just as soon as the encounter had started, it was over. Rosalie grabbed a long hooded coat off the rack and was gone. The door shut behind her, Edward was left standing dumbstruck on the staircase.

* * *

"Where is Rosalie? We have to get to the station soon," Esme said as she packed the tickets into her handbag.

"Did you two have another argument?" Carlisle asked.

"Not exactly," Edward replied thinking about their arcane encounter early in the afternoon.

He was slightly disgusted with his cowardly response. He should have said something but he let it happen; her bravado in that moment rooted him to the ground.

Carlisle sighed, not knowing what Edward had _really_ meant, "Do you know where she could have gone?"

"I don't know," Edward said then he remembered the conversation they had earlier about their human lives.

"I'll go find her," he said and ran outside, the sun was starting to go down as he made his way through the city, all the way to the other end. Blossoms grew on the planted birch trees in this part of Rochester. The sidewalks and roads were cobbled.

The wind blew, causing the fallen leaves to blow in circles around him. Down the path in the quite wealthy neighborhood, Edward saw the hooded figure of a young woman, she sat on a porch bench outside of a dazzling white home. It was Rosalie, inside the white house was her human family. Edward could hear the chatter of their voices, they were sitting and having dinner, their familial presence masking any grief they may of had.

Edward walked up the porch and sat next to Rosalie. She spoke, not looking up,

"They have remained in contact with the King's. I heard them speaking, my brother is to be married to Royce's sister, Margret and take a job at the bank. They've forgotten me Edward."

Again today, Edward was at a loss for words but Rosalie said,

"It's alright, I'm glad they have moved on and are not grieving... it's better that way," she continued.

There was a long pause, Rosalie's head leaned against his shoulder as she looked out at the street. For some reason the small intimacy between them felt almost, natural.

"Not bad for your first kiss?" she teased.

"That was not my first kiss, of course," Edward replied. "And you know what I said earlier about you being unpredictable well you've managed to prove my point."

"Did you feel anything?" she asked.

Edward responded, "Rosalie, I... I'm not sure. Your good at it this, attracting men thing and your beautiful and witty and smart. Goddamn him for this!"

Rosalie sat up and faced him, "Edward, this has nothing to do with Royce."

"This has everything to do with him. You don't really love me and you know it, but all you've ever known is making men attracted to you and admit it Rosalie, without him controlling you you're scared."

"Don't pretend to understand me Edward. You cannot know what I feel for you or Royce or my family or anything at all," she said, her voice cold.

"I may not understand you, but I know that you're mortified of being alone. His manipulation has brainwashed you and took away all the things that would let you simply love me like a friend or a brother instead of either an enemy or a mate. Him and this whole backwards status-obsessed society. If you can't tell the difference between legitimate love and being with someone simply because it seems like an appropriate match, then you can never fully open up to anyone. And if you can't do that, you can't love."

She stared at him, her jaw clenched like the way it always is when she will not admit that he's right, "What does it feel like to be so sure of yourself?"

"It's good," Edward replied.

Rosalie leaned back into the chair, emotional exhausted, not from the past week but from everything, her family, her life. Edward had just forced her to question everything she thought she once knew and it was taking a heavy toll on her mentality.

"We have to go now unless you would like to miss the train to Tennessee," Edward said.

Rosalie stood up and after a few moments of silence she nodded and said, "Alright, lets go then."

They heard the approaching footsteps of one of Rosalie's younger brothers. In seconds they were away from the house down the street, her brother had thought he heard someone on the front porch and for the slightest instant when he poked his head out, Edward knew who he had hoped was there. Rosalie stood away from view beside Edward.

"Well, at least this means that I don't have to be nice to you anymore. An eternity forcing myself to tolerate you would be like living in a bottomless pit of hell," she said, returning to the old, snarky Rosalie.

"Agreed," Edward replied and for once, they could finally agree on something.

_End_


	13. Epilogue- Memoirs for Eternity

**Epilogue- Memoirs for Eternity**

_ January 1, 1938- Appalachia Tennessee_

_Dear journal,_

_Today marks my twentieth year as a Cullen. It also signifies my first day of being the, "odd man out" again, officially. Sometime after the stroke of midnight it was announced that Emmett had proposed to Rosalie after his third year with us (most of which were spent as an unpredictable newborn). Ever since he moved past that stage, he and Rosalie have barely left each other's side. Carlisle and Esme are of course ecstatic, Esme not hesitating to schedule a wedding, already sending invitations to the Denali coven and everyone else that she or Carlisle associated with in the past however many years._

_Of course I have no reason not be happy for them; I have grown to see Emmett as a brother, ever since Rosalie begged Carlisle to save him when she found him being attacked by a bear in the forest. I was against it at first, "Look at the size of him, we will never be able to control him as a newborn," I had said, but Emmett wanted to learn our ways. He was motivated by Rosalie, who he thought to be an angel from the day he laid eyes on her when working on the railroad and Rosalie __and I had walked by. Emmett was less complicated than her, happier and brought a little light to our melancholy family. _

_Him and I joked around, teasing each other quite a bit, his favorite jabs at me were my natural tendencies to brooding, my lack of a sexual life and, often calling my mind reading eavesdropping, of course knowing full well I have little control over it. __I hear passing thoughts however, they tell me he is just envious that I know what Rosalie is thinking when she gets that look. When her eyes go glassy and she's no longer sitting in the living room any more listening to him. She's back in that street, her eyes on the man she figured she'd learn to love. And her thoughts tell me it's nothing compared to the burning. If the transformation were her strongest human memory, she'd put it behind her just like the rest of us. Better than the rest of us, even. He knows that I will always know her better and it makes him want to slug me every time he thinks about it. I__t's a good thing that Emmett does not know about the kiss, it would surely drive him off the edge and he would most likely try to strangle me (as if that would work). So I suppose I am happy for him and Rosalie; Carlisle may have given her a life; she just didn't start living it until Emmett was by her side._

_I like Appalachia and just as Esme predicted, the new environment did help everyone to move on from the madness back in New York. Rosalie had since tried to see things from Carlisle's point of view and more or less accepted us all as her family, especially Esme who she now spends most of her time with apart from Emmett. _

_Summer in this temperate southern half of the nation was more beautiful than I have ever seen. The green country atmosphere was completely different from what I was accustomed to in the North. Our quaint little house is surrounded by towering deciduous trees and hazy mountains, creating a canopy of ferns and vines that flourished beneath. Wildlife was plentiful in the National park not far from home, rich with flora and nourishment for a vampire family full of "vegetarians." There was not a better place we could have relocated to. _

_Now that it is the beginning of what will be my third decade with them I realize that I never thanked Carlisle or Esme for forgiving me when I left, practically turning their perfect world to hell. I always took for granted how much they cared and did not realize until years after I had already wounded them. I called Carlisle father for the first time months ago and even by blocking out his true thoughts, he could not hide the joy that single word from me had brought him. I had referred to Esme as my mother long before then, mostly because it made her happy, but had not to Carlisle- the man I owe so much- until recently. I had assisted him at a small rural hospital and when handing him a patient's medical files in his office one night, the word had absentmindedly slipped from my vocabulary. He had paused for a second before taking the package and thanking me quickly before leaving his office to go prep for the next surgery._

_Even if they both had forgotten the dark years of my absence, the years still haunted me every moment that I was not focused on menial tasks to occupy my thoughts.__ I did not, could not have expected the aftershock my murderous time away would have on me. Even when I caught the victims committing horrible, sometimes treacherous deeds; combined, the bodies of the dead weighed more than I could take. __All those things you don't want to know when you're killing a person, I knew. All of the victims had one thing running through their mind, fear, singing in agony waiting for the pain to go away. The things you don't want to find out as the fear creeps into you, and suddenly you're scared out of your mind right along with them. Their death was my death, bit by bit. Every last thought or regret they had, I carried now. Prayers that came too late as I drained the blood from them until they could no longer think clearly, were my prayers now. _

_I once asked Eleazar how he coped with killing humans before he turned to animal blood. He told me that if he did not emotionally connect himself to them, it got rid of any guilt. I do not have the luxury of disconnection so how can I think of them as a mere meal when their vulnerable, regretful thoughts were shouting at me? I try not to think about the last human I killed, the man who had revealed that he was only stealing to feed his children during the depression, when my teeth had already pierced his artery and it was too late; he would die, his children would starve. _

_My family may think me distant and unattached, both of which are correct. But I wish that they could bring themselves to understand that it's not them that make me this way, it's myself. The fact of the matter is that every time I stare into the loving faces of my parents, all I can think about is that man and his children. It is these times, in which I cannot stand to keep carrying on as I do with this guilt. I've come close to leaving again, but just like the night of Rosalie's transformation when I'd had one foot on the platform of the train, the conductor urging me to hurry up, it was those loving faces that kept me from bringing my next foot forward._

_Sometimes in the evening, I separate myself and go to a place no one knows of. It is at the far end of the forest, fairly isolated but high above the southern town overlooking the railroad and townspeople down below. I dream when I sit atop of this forest cliff, the dawn light burning the milky mist of my mind away. I stop thinking about the murders or the haunting memories of so many, until they coil like a druid's, dreamy smoke before its icy fingers disappear. Soundless, voiceless and soulless, they slowly slide away for a while. Its womb quiet and even the moth flutter dies down as I gaze endlessly at the smoke from the station. Pebbles whisk about in the under wash like a piece of glitter. I am certain that streams are the liquid soul of the forest, and the one I rest by now while writing this entry is emitting a faint glow. Chords of the moonlight spear down from above, bathing its surface in silver. It is glinting and sparkling like a thousand diamonds blessed with an inner fire. A galaxy of dragonflies fizz through the beams of light, wings of glitter in the magical space between river and air. When I feel hopeless in this never-ending lonely life, the soul-swelling beauty of that postcard perfect scene never fails to follow me all the way home._

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read this sequel, I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know in the reviews, good or bad it doesn't matter.**


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